baby talk

Baby talk

Hi everyone

I passed my first test last week.  They did a report on me at 
day-care.  Apparently I'm at or above what I have to do (how hard is 
it to play all day, anyway) except for my coping under stress.  

Apparently, when large objects fall on me and pin me to the ground, 
I'm meant to respond by reasoning my way out (rather than sobbing 
uncontrollably).  I suspect that if I can improve my powers of 
levitation that that should keep them happy.  Alternatively, I've 
been taking a few tips from Damien in The Omen - so that should come 
in handy if there are any bad marks on my next report.

I went to Sydney on the weekend (Mummy and Daddy came too).

I see my role as an emissary.  My role is to entertain the relatives 
so that Mummy and Daddy can slip out and shop, go to the pictures, 
meet friends etc..

However, since Mummy and Daddy weren't around on Saturday, the 
relatives got a bit too close and discovered that I haven't been 
wearing shoes much around home (I have stubbed my toe and have a 
couple of cuts).  Well, did Daddy get it when they came home (and for 
the rest of the weekend and a phone call last night and a call today 
at work).

The various concerns may be summed up through a multiple choice 
question:

Select the letter which most closely corresponds to the correct 
answer.  Elliot is most likely to perish:

a. in an incident where Roger and Ellie (collectively, the "dogs") 
   eat him; or
b. at the child-care centre, which is a front for a Satan-worshipping  
   ring (which specialises in the consumption of tender babies); or 
c. in a bizarre garden accident where his feet swell up through lack  
   of shoes and eventually suffocate him; or
d. through paying the price for his penchant for Coke, chocolate,
   nuts, assorted lollies, other snacks etc. (which will 
   alternatively make him hyperactive, rot his teeth, choke him, 
   make him sticky (he'll get that on the furniture!) and spoil 
   his appetite; or
e. through becoming over-tired and never being able to sleep again;   
   or
f. all of the above.

Needless to say, the question makes me panic (which 
does nothing for my reviews).

I had fun at shopping yesterday.  You've just gotta love 
shopping malls - they concentrate massive numbers of people in very 
small areas.  The best incident was at lunch when Mummy went to get 
me some ice cream.  Poor Daddy.  Well, it was just him and me and  
a few hundred people.

I decided that the ice cream should've been bought before we sat down 
and I started screaming, jumping from my chair and running for the 
doors, escalators, shops and any number of other extravaganzas.  
Daddy was divided in his loyalties between saving me from my doom 
(and consequently his) or protecting the shopping from marauders.  
He made the mistake of trying to do both.

His heart just wasn't fully in it.  He did manage to get me, but he 
paid handsomely - a face massage coupled with the loss of his glasses 
and a face full of a strange mixture of sweat, mucus, tears and 
spittle.

Yeah, so he retained me and the shopping (only just, mind you).  I 
did, however, manage to strip him of his dignity in front of a bigger 
crowd than at his graduation....

I do respect his persistence.

The funny thing is that you'd think he'd learn.  This morning's 
incident involved him either stopping the dogs from knocking me/him 
over and me bathing in their water bowl.  Again, he made the mistake 
of trying to stop both.  Let me just say that he ran a little late 
for work.

Until next time.

Elliot


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