Life's whirlygig

Life's whirlygig


Hi everyone

Well, another month has just passed me by.  Don't get me wrong, I 
haven't been wasting my months, but they do seem to go very quickly.

One of my uncompleted projects for the past month has been to get 
started on my writing career.  I'm trying to settle on a name for the 
book - to comprise my memoirs from the age of 1 all the way through 
to 3 (or perhaps 3 and a half).  Some of the possible titles (with 
comments) include:

.	"Elliot was so naughty that his mother doesn't love him anymore"
	Quite hard hitting, but a touch distressing for some of the young 
	folk out there.

.	"All puppies eventually die and go to hell"
	I discarded this one because, despite its truth, I wasn't wanting to 
	get into a major theological debate in my very first novel.

.	"Where will you be buried?"
	This has a good ring to it, but is unlikely to become a best seller 
	since I suspect that many parents may simply dismiss it on the basis 
	that they prefer their children to be reading happy stories about 
	bunnies and rainbows.

.	"The Official Bunny and Rainbow Extravaganza Pop-Up Book!!"
	This would be blatant commercialism....  It's a possible....

.	"Stapling your way to success"
	Mummy says that I shouldn't do that - it'll hurt Daddy.

.	"Manipulating mums and managing dads"
	I'm not sure whether I want to publish all my tricks -at least not 
	until I've finished using them.  It may take awhile to get this one 
	published.

.	"All sorts of things can be flushed!"
	Daddy says that this is currently a sore point.

Well, you can see some of the problems I have in getting started.  
Any one book could be a blockbuster, but which one to start with?  
Other difficulties surround merchandising.  I need a book that can 
produce at least four types of soft toys, mugs and a bubblebath 
mix.  Then there's the spin-off television series and the feature 
film to keep in mind.  It's all rather complicated.

Other things that have been happening over the past month include 
increasing my vocabulary to include a variety of gameshow phrases 
(mummy is a gameshow junkie).  My favourite is "Hot Streak!" which is 
actually pronounced "Hut streeeck" (I have a slight New Zealand 
accent from all the New Zealand music that Daddy inflicts on me).

The onset of my 2 year old molars is cause for distress - not that 
they're particularly painful or anything - it's just that they've 
clogged my system up a bit.  By itself, that'd be fine but Mummy and 
Daddy decided that it was time for me to be "freed".  Don't worry, 
I'll get them back when I'm having my regression therapy when I'm in 
my late 40's.

The other big news is that this is my last week at daycare - Mummy's 
about to leave work.  I'm not sure what it's all about - just that 
Mummy's tummy is now bigger than daddy's and they've ordered me 
a new bed.  Some of the kiddies at daycare said that when they got a 
new bed, it meant that they ended up with a brother or a sister.  I 
can't quite see the correlation, but I guess it's probably like when 
you set up a nature reserve - animals just get attracted to the area. 
 I'm going to let my dog, Ellie, sleep in my old bed.

A problem with leaving daycare is that I'm not sure how they're 
going to get on without me.  Of course, there'll be tears and things 
from the workers and kiddies there, but I've been there since the 
beginning....

I've also been training a number of the kiddies to bite, punch and 
spit.  It's taking the younger ones ages to develop.  As the eldest 
in my room, I'm not sure that they'll properly develop without a 
chief baby to teach them life skills.

There is also the issue of the ownership of all my toys that I keep 
at daycare.  I don't mind sharing them a little whilst I'm there, but 
once I leave all the toys go with me.

Well, that's this months concerns.  Next month I'm looking forward to 
reporting on a number of critical issues such as methods of 
wheel spinning on "Wheel of Fortune" (I'll have a bit more 
TV freetime), whether a shoe can really be flushed or whether it will 
just lodge in the S-bend (I've heard a story of a mythic child who 
actually managed to completely flush their daddy's gumboot!) and 
whether a dog can be stored for extended periods in a freezer.  
Living at home should be fun.

Elliot


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