Another month

Another month


Hi everyone

Yes, another month has gone by and I'm still here.

My bed arrived and I've been using it with relative ease.  The beauty 
of a bed is that it doesn't have sides.  This may seem to be an 
insignificant matter for many who have used a bed for a number of 
years, but the lifestyle difference is substantial.

The first difference was that I could fall out of the bed with ease.  
Mummy and Daddy had left mattresses on either side of the bed, so I 
wasn't damaged.  But, a sleeping baby finds it difficult to arouse 
oneself sufficiently to climb back into bed.  The result is that it's 
easier to scream and get put back in bed than to do it yourself.  Of 
course, the first night I was quite content to sleep on the floor, 
but Mummy and Daddy wouldn't answer the call for "GOCKS!".  My feet 
were cold and socks were not provided.

Once over that initial difference, I realised that a bed gives me 
sleeping flexi-time.  I know that I need about 14 hours sleep a day.  
Previously, I was restricted to a nap of about 2-3 hours and a sleep 
of about 11-12 hours.  However a bed can change all that.  Instead of 
planning sleep on a daily basis, it is possible to organise oneself 
over a far longer period - I'm currently using a weekly basis, but 
there is no impediment to using a monthly or even yearly period 
(perhaps even longer with the benefit of long range computer 
modelling).

What this translates to is that my nap may now vary from the time it 
takes me to knock off a bottle of milk (about 10 minutes) all the way 
through to 4-5 hours.  This gives me flexibility even on a daily 
basis to cut back the nightly sleep to 9 hours (although this rarely 
meshes with Mummy's and Daddy's sleep time - but we're only out a few 
hours normally).

However, using a  weekly basis means that on some days there is no 
nap and sleep is often reduced to 6 hours, although other days I 
might virtually sleep the whole way through.  This gives me 
flexibility to spend more quality time watching television (Wiggles, 
Teletubbies etc.), building relationships with my toys and, of 
course, squirming in Mummy and Daddy's bed.  In fact, I have found 
that playing peek-a-boo with Mummy and Daddy at 2am is far superior 
than in daytime since it's so much darker.

Mummy and Daddy do try hard though.  They like to leave my door open. 
I've worked out that there's a three strike rule.  On the third 
strike, the door gets locked.

That leaves me with strikes one and two to convince Mummy and Daddy 
that it's not bed time.  The first strike normally involves me 
polishing off my bottle of milk and coming out saying "Botble".  It 
gives me the possibility of more up time coupled with a fresh bottle 
of milk.  Normally I get sent back to bed with a kiss.

The second strike involves returning with my full bottle of milk and 
saying something like "Wiggles, yes".  I even sometimes say "Start 
Treeek, yes" since Daddy will normally then lay his support behind my 
television viewing.  Unfortunately, the second strike is normally 
umpired by Mum and I end up back in bed.

The third strike is always problematic.  It's a risky one.  pull it 
off and you're up for another hour.  Don't pull it off and you're 
locked in your room - so there's no 2am peek-a-boo.  The other night 
I worked out a different way to test the waters.  I got up sneaked 
to the loungeroom door where Mummy and Daddy were and just stuck my 
hand in.  I think I heard Daddy snicker, so I thought that the cute 
factor may be working in my favour.  I then chose to wave a little.  
I think that may have managed to catch Mummy's eye and all I heard 
was Mummy saying "BED!".  I dutifully returned to bed.

I've been working on my delivery though.  I've been showing an 
interest in Daddy's music and if you ask me what my favourite band 
is, I answer "Batsss!".  I can also at a pinch say "Pavemeeennt".  I 
have an idea that if I get up and say "Daddy, please let me listen to 
Pavement and teach me about the best independent music 
available", more up time may be granted.

The countdown to the new baby is still happening - but now there is 
less than a month to the drop-off date.  It's a bit scary.  It's 
especially scary that Nanna is coming to help us over the verge.  
Don't get me wrong Nanna's an OK lady, but she's not as easy to 
organise as Mummy and Daddy.

What I mean is that a well-placed scream, cry, throw or thrust will 
normally organise Mummy and Daddy, but Nanna likes medieval tools 
like play-pens and cots.  In the past, this has unduly hampered my 
lifestyle decisions.

The way I've chosen to combat this difficulty is that I've named a 
number of the toys I play as various people I know.  This allows me 
to do field simulations on ways that the various characters may 
interact in practice.  For example, Mummy is a blonde-haired 
girl-doll who drives a car, whilst  Daddy is a dark-haired man-doll 
who flies a helicopter.

Nanna is a little plastic Hamburglar (from MacDonalds).  I organise 
Nanna to sit and just watch things happen.  My commands to her are 
usually:

"Sit, nanna"
"Stay, nanna"
"No, nanna"
"Nanna gone"

My field trials show that she is particularly affected by high 
pitched squeals and brute force.  I suspect that she may be capable 
of organisation after all.

Please wish me all the best in these endeavours.  Remember that I'm 
not doing it only for myself but for any babies that may follow in 
the household.

As a parting note, after my list last month of books that I could 
write, I was sent a list of potential children's books that were 
allegedly entered in a Washington Post contest:
 
"You Were an Accident"
"Strangers Have the Best Candy"
"The Little Sissy Who Snitched"
"Some Kittens Can Fly!"
"The Attention Deficit Disorder Association's Book of Wild Animals
	of North Amer- Hey! Let's Go Ride Our Bikes!"
"The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking"
"Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia"
"What Is That Dog Doing to That Other Dog?"
"Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?"
"Bi-Curious George"
"Daddy Drinks Because You Cry"
"You Are Different and That's Bad"

Some of those have quite a good ring to them - I'll have to have a 
re-think of my literary possibilities.

Until next month (probably post-baby)

Elliot


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