70 December 13979 - A Mouse's Tale

Ellie is currently enjoying a sojourn in the garage.

As you'd no doubt be aware, she's still suffering from a case of excessive barking. Personally, I'd just say that that's what makes her who she is, but Master Craig chooses to treat it as some sort of social disorder. Hence, Ellie sleeps in the garage.

Not that I'm complaining - it gives me a break from her.

Anyway, she hasn't been very happy being shut out of the action. This is particularly the case, since she gets to see a bit of nocturnal action herself.

We've discussed before her little mousey friends that she chooses to entertain in the garage. But, now the little runt is scared....

Apparently, some of her so-called friends invited one of their "friends" around to restrict little miss Elle to one insignificant corner of the garage, whilst they could then forage freely across the whole expanse.

You'd think that a fully grown dog could take care of a standover mouse.

Things have gotten so bad that Ellie tried to gnaw through the wooden garage door to escape (Master Craig was not very happy about that - he liberally coated the door in pepper and chilli - got him sneezing anyway).

Well, Master Craig decided that Ellie should have a night light - consider that - a dog with a night light! Even Young Master Elliot is now comfortable sleeping in the dark.

Well, that's when the real trouble started. Ellie reported that the mouse returned and this time he was mad. Luckily, Ellie saw his shadow and was able to escape being gouged by a very small margin. She took some measurements:

mouse dimensions

It's strange - I've never actually seen a mouse that big. It would certainly be fine eating. But that got me to thinking - what if this is no ordinary mouse - it could be a mouse that's been exposed to radiation and has become a supermouse who can now see through objects, spitting spiderwebs and able to freeze objects via a special freeze ray. It could be really fine eating.

That's when I got excited.

I got Ellie to agree that she'd take a photograph of the little fellow next time she came across him. She agreed.

It wasn't easy getting into the Master Craig's and Mistress Liz's bedroom to get their camera, but I got Young Master Elliot in on the act....

He'd been chiseling his bedroom wall for ages - trying to make an escape passage. Everyday, he'd fill his pyjama pockets with dust from the walls and the first thing he'd do each morning would be to come to the window and hand it to me to dispose of it. I'd then diligently go down to the backyard and dig a hole. I'd then come back to the window, pick up the dirt and swallow it. I don't think anyone suspected anything.

Anyway, Elliot agreed that he'd offer the diversion (at great personal sacrifice). Yesterday, when the folks came in to get him out of his cot, they discovered his escape passage. Elliot had deliberately not replaced his Ernie poster over the hole. He gave up the passage for us.

Whilst Master Craig and Mistress Liz were in panic searching for any other tunnels, I snuck into their bedroom and nabbed the camera.

Ellie and I hid the camera in her water bowl in the garage until it was needed for the evening's adventures.

Night soon came and Ellie was secured for the evening. It wasn't long before the thug turned up and Ellie caught a beautiful snap:

standover mouse

Now, we had something to bargain with.

The rat (yes - it was a rat not a supermouse) knew that the gig was up - we had only to show the piccy of the blighter sneaking into the garage and he knew that people with traps and poisons and sticks that would be poked into his nether regions would arrive to forever bar him from his escapades.

We had the rat over a barrel.

What could he do?

It was at this point that he told us about his family....

Apparently, about 270 of his offspring had been born with congenital tail defects - well, it wasn't so much a defect as having no tail at all.

They had been viewed by the rat community as freaks and were forced to eke out a meagre existence working in a sideshow to a rat circus.

It was the treasures of the garage that could promise a new future for his offspring - with the money he got from the treasures, each of his offspring would be provided with their very own prosthetic tail. Such tails didn't come cheap either - there was only one manufacturer in the world operating out of a back street factory in Oslo, Sweden.

By this stage, Ellie and I were in tears - how could we throw out this guy - he was only a criminal of circumstance. But, Ellie couldn't sleep in the garage with the guy either - you just can't trust a rat (apparently cattle/collie/kelpie pelts are worth a mint on the rat black market - young male rats have them made into car seats and drive around town with their music blaring to impress young female rats).

The answer was obvious....

Herman (that was his name) would live in the house with his ratty wife Hermiona and Master Craig, Mistress Liz and Young Master Elliot. It was the perfect solution....

Well, provided that Master Craig and Mistress Liz don't find out (at least Young Master Elliot agrees).

Elliot actually took this picture of Herman and Hermiona after they had settled into their new home:

Herman and Hermiona

(Herman and Hermoina appear on this page courtesy of (bclee's) RATS! who has signed them up for a sitcom where they mainly sit around Herman's appartment waiting for something to happen - apparently it's a show about nothing - it'll never do well)

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Ellie Take me to the next diary entry or show me the complete calendar!

a very nice picture of me I'd be very happy if you'd sign Master Craig's visitors' book before you leave (he won't create one for me).

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