122 December 13979 - Roger's Christmas message

Well, another year has just whooshed past. There's been highlights (Pavement was pretty good), but then there has also been lowlights (Vicent's demise was pretty bad).

Elliot has gone from being a little baby to a big baby. The latest news is that Master Craig has gotten Young Master Elliot a metallic hand-held spade for digging in the garden. (I'd already told Elliot that you don't need a spade to dig a fine hole.) Well, Elliot uses the spade a little for digging, but a lot for wielding. Master Craig has encouraged the little barbarian to use it as a mechansism to restrain dogs. Just yesterday, Ellie was jumping up on Elliot and trying to lick his tonsils and Elliot got his little spade and blammo - Ellie retreated under the house.

This is introducing a whole new element into our relationship with the little tike - just the other day, he was discourteous enough to have a tug on my stump (I don't have a fully fledged tail). I think he is becoming far too familiar with us (although I still enjoy feedings from the window once Elliot removes the fly screen). We've scored about 7 dummies through the window - the folks are getting a bit worried because Elliot is very particular about his dummies and likes only a version that is no longer produced. Master Craig thought that he had plenty of them (about 8 in total), but Ellie and I have now enjoyed 7 of them. Master Craig and Mistress Liz are now performing in overtime to wean him off the remaining dummy before I can get to it (they like to live dangerously).

Other news is that Ellie has gone for a job down at the supermarket, posing as Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer - pretty ordinary old supermarket - you'd think that they could at least afford a Rudolph the red-nosed pig (or sheep or goat or something).

Anyway, the story is that it's very hard to train farm animals to be supermarket-trained. At least with Ellie, the worst you could expect is that her red nose is caused by a trip to the bottle shop down there. Anyway, she looks pretty cute with her little reindeer antlers and reindeer suit.

I was actually asked to give her a reference so that she could get the job. I think it was my refence that swung the job her way:


Ellie is a reasonable dog and you should hire her for as long 
as possible.

I'm sure that you'll find that she will perform adequately under 
very close supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.

She has set her personal standards low enough that, although she 
keeps failing to meet them, she is rarely embarrassed.

Although she may be out of her depth in a car park puddle, I'm 
sure that you'll find that she is perfect for repetitive and 
menial work (they're two words that describe her perfectly!).

Yours faithfully

Rogernald Dogue

Master Craig has Christmas drinks at work today - so I'd better keep this short so that it makes it up in one piece (if this looks a little strange try reading it upside down (just in case Master Craig didn't get it up before drinks).

I'll quickly do the mail. First to Andrea:

Hi there - my name is Andrea Smith

I have two dogs and they are really cute but I have a big QUESTION - where
are the best pet stores with the best dog supplies?

I have a dog that is a Cocker Spaniel and he is 6 months and his name
is Martin.

I have another dog: My other dog is a Terrier Scouther and his name is
Spanky and he is 70 and 10

Please write me back thank you

Andrea Smith

Well, Andrea as you are from the US, I have absolutely no idea where the good shops are there. Does anyone have any recommendations?

I suspect that a nice cool steak would set any dog's heart on fire, though.

Next, to Jayne:

Dear Roge,

I read with much glee your two most recent diary entries.  I cracked up at
the point (no pun intended) where you mentioned about poking sticks into
rats' nether regions. Master Craig must be a vicious individual.  I would
also like to express my sincere sympathy over the demise of Vincent - it
seems you share your yard with some very interesting and entertaining
friends.  Only one slight hiccup in reading your latest diary entries, the
cat who owns me (yes, I am in fact a person of the human variety) and who
often wanders across the top of my computer desk, was just passing by as I
was reading your diary.  She was NOT impressed - she has banished me from
HER house for reading material written by dogs.  She said it was on par
with downloading Internet pornography.  Consequently, here I am sitting on
the front lawn (with my computer and modem) wondering if I'll ever get back
inside to retrieve my belongings.  She told me I could sleep in the garage
- do you think Ellie would like a roomie??



Ellie is actually being allowed to sleep outside - after almost entirely eating the garage door, Master Craig is preferring to get up once a night to shut up her barking. So, you're quite welcome to have the garage. Actually, if a cat lived in my house, I think I'd be pretty keen to move out anyway.

Lastly, to April and Bear:

Hi Ellie Dogue-Dogue and Roger Dogue.  Sorry April and I have not had a
chance to write, but with winter our paws get wet.  Which means we don't
have the run of the house.  Tonight we got into the new "Radio Room"
with out master Don knowing.  He is at some kind of meeting.  We want to
say Merry Christmas and hope that Santa brings you a lot of good play
toys.  There is a lot of snow on the ground and we have to stay near
home this week since it is dear hunting season.  April thinks I look
like a dear since my fur is brown.  

Masters Don, Laurie and little Chris brought a tree home. Strange thing
is they put lights other things on it. They told Bear that they
decorated it.  They get very upset when we sniff it.  Well the garage
door just opened so we must go bark and make like we were just being
good dogs.  Write soon. Check out the family webpage.

April and Bear at dak@harborcom.net

It's unfortunate that you're not allowed out during dear hunting season. I think it'd be fun to see Ellie go to her holiday job during the season. The one good thing is that Cat Hunting Season is year-round, so as soon as you're allowed outside you have something to do!

All the best for Christmas and the New Year!

I'll be back some time in January (probably late), depending on how much internet withdrawal Master Craig has.

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Ellie Take me to the next diary entry or show me the complete calendar!

a very nice picture of me I'd be very happy if you'd sign Master Craig's visitors' book before you leave (he won't create one for me).

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