Max's Master gave some further information on Max (yet another dog denied internet access):

Max seems to be interested in Ellie so beware, Roger.....
he is a very handsome moviestar type and highly intellegent.....
all his ancestors have schutzhund titles and his father worked 
on the Los Angelos police dept....

We kept going and then found this missal from Shadow (which helps clear up a few difficulties):

"Dear Roge and Ellie --

	How embarrassing! I didn't even know that pillows 
rupture, and I might never have known were it not for net 
mentors such as you! I 'll try to rip one open soon. Your 
defensive tactics against squirt gun assault are fascinating. 
With your wisdom I can now see squirting in a whole new 
light. Previously I thought of it as punishment, but now 
that I think about it, it's nothing but water. I like water, so 
why not drink it from a squirt gun! It makes so much 
sense. I mean I drink it from the toilet, so it should be just 
as satisfying from a gun. As for eating the gun, I'm proud to 
say that I've tried that, but they have two, so when I  chew 
one, they squirt me with the other. They also seem to be 
making an effort to keep the weapons out of my reach. 

	Now what's most fascinating is the sad eyes approach you 
mention, playing on their sympathy. One question though: 
in order to get sympathy, doesn't the master have to first 
feel some affinity for you? At the moment they seem to 
experience only irritation in my presence, particulary last 
night when they got naked and started wrestling on the 
bed and I started barking and howling and jumping and 
putting on a show. I don't think they wanted me to play 
because they led me gruffly outside. In any case, I shall try 
the sympathy ploy as soon as they feel less put upon.

	You are correct in dating the doggie septic field as seven 
years old. They keep a very big stone on the lid so it's hard 
for me to get in. I heard master describe it as a Superfund 
cleanup site. Excavations continue surreptitiously, of 
course.

	You suggest chewing tires, and that sounds wonderful! I 
will try that as soon as possible. Should they be moving or 
stationary? I hope I didn't tell you my last fun with 
vehicles, because here it comes again.

	One morning I woke master up at 4 a.m. and barked like 
crazy trying to wake up the whole house, so he took me for 
a ride in his truck, I think to keep me from waking up the 
other residents. Anyway, I pooped in his truck. Have you 
ever pooped in a moving vehicle? It's a whole different way 
to go! I enjoy the challenge of squatting while the truck 
leans around corners. Master didn't like it much though. 
He stopped the truck, mumbled a lot, and threw my 
product on the side of the road. Then he poured baking 
soda on the remaining stain. Naturally, I ate the baking 
soda, and then I threw up in his truck! Smellwise, I think 
it's safe to say that truck is mine! 

	I hope your contraption does include a fridge opener. If 
you successfully design such a feature I bet you could 
market it and go global with the marketing. I hope that 
when I grow up I have your kind of entrepreneurial spirit!

all for now,
Shadow"

Now this is going to take some answering, so we'll answer using the very useful HTML point format (Master Craig explained it to me yesterday when he was also helping me work on my contraption):

• I shouldn't take too much credit for knowing that pillows rupture - it really is a family legacy - passed down through my line (now I've also passed it on to Ellie) - unfortunately the "Nazi" doctors saw to it that my and Ellie's dark complexions will be passed no further - so I really pray that you, Shadow, take the opportunity to pass this valuable information on (by the way, I have very fond memories of Master Craig entrusting me with his beanbag - what a mistake! - it snowed for days);
  
• I like your change of direction on the squirt gun issue - but it is different from eau de toillete (or as Ellie so crassly puts it, cordial) - there are some inherent differences (often only the mature palate can tell) and you will learn, with time, to savour both;
  
• you say that your masters seem only irritated in your presence - have you wondered if this is a game and they're just trying to bait you so that you bark louder, bite harder and become more mischevious?
  
• as to your masters' wrestling - they may have been annoyed at your very direct way of involving yourself - I suspect that they'd appreciate a quieter (sneakier) approach and then a very loud bark in the nearest ear - let me know how you go;
  
• chewing tyres is open to dogs of any age - but for a young (although increasingly heavy) dog such as yourself should probably start on a stationary or very slow moving car - remember a stuck tooth on a moving vehicle will really show you the danger of succesive somersaults;
  
• your truck experience actually qualifies you for the foot high club! Ellie and I are staunch members;
  
• Ellie and I have been talking with Master Craig at possibly franchising the contraption (Master Craig is also a lawyer) - he says that he thinks we're not quite ready yet, but there may be some future possibility - although Ellie and I are quite worried about how we'll pay his exorbitant fees - we're hoping for some pro bone work (I really like the sound of that).

Take me to the next diary entry!

I'd be very happy if you'd sign Master Craig's visitors' book before you leave (he won't create one for me).

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