175 July 13972

Well, the Olympics have started and Australia just isn't doing all that well. Our local papers have explained it as due to all other countries taking drugs - but I'm not so sure.

I am yet to understand why there are no dog events - Master Craig said that its because people are humancentric and most don't care much for dogs. So much for being man's best friend. I know that even being a little chunky and a tad old, I could easily beat that Carl Lewis or whoever - I still run a hundred metres in a very respectable 8 seconds. Master Craig says that even if I could compete that I still wouldn't win since I don't normally run in a straight line and I'm farely easily distracted. I patiently explained to him that there are very few dog jobbies on the tracks - so the distractions aren't too many. I also explained that, if you run in anything longer than 100 metres there is a curve in the track. Also, dogs would never be suspected of taking drugs since without that old opposable thumb, we have a great deal of trouble using a syringe.

Funny Master Craig said that I'd get spiked, though, by someone leaving some drugs on the ground somewhere and I'd just gobble them down - but, of course, if I was competing at Olympic level I'd make sure of what I was eating off the ground. It's a funny thing - dogs are often criticised for eating things that they find lying around (I know that in the past I've been annoyed at some of Ellie's unsanitary habits and lack of oral hygiene), but dogs are really quite special. When people are going around hungry - dogs will still be able to find a tasty morsel lying on the ground. Just the other day, when I was cruising near a local school, I actually found a pez dispenser with some pez still inside! What a treat! However, Mr Pez sure didn't design the dispenser with a dog in mind - to tip Donald Duck's head whilst simultaneosly removing one pez is a real challenge. Luckily, God blessed me with good strong teeth - so the dispenser didn't stop me from about 30 seconds of oral foaming fun. Master Craig got a little worried when he saw my foam - but a dog with Pez really has no worries. Of course, Ellie was keen to get some foam too - but - all gone....

Back to the Olympics - I think that I'd like to enter myself in one of the dog paddling events - I bet I could get a place on the Australian team - and if not there - how about the Labradorian team (actually, to come to think of it, I didn't see them in the opening parade).

Even the opening ceremony of the Olympics didn't recognise dogs in any way. Sure there were butterflies, funny mascots, demons, dancing puppets, kids in fluffy suits etc., but no dogs. What travels in a pick-up truck? There were about 800 of them - but no dogs in the back. Does Atlanta have a point it's making?

Also, I've heard no end in the media of the trouble that the Atlanta transport system is having. Dogs would pose no problem for this - I'd happily go on a 10 mile trot and then back up to beat Carl Lewis in the hundred metres after a lick of water and a pez (an Olympian should be afforded a few luxuries). What's more, I hear never-ending complaints about the heat and lack of water - I certainly wouldn't need some nancy-boy mist machine to cool me down! Give me a nice cold toilet bowl and my thirst is quenched.

I'm going to petition the Australian powers to get some form of doggie sport as an exhibition sport for the Australian 2000 Olympics. There are a myriad to choose from - it could be:

I'm sure that I could get a selection in one of them. Plus, all non-competing dogs could get jobs as security dogs. And for Ellie - I could see the opening ceremony now - instead of Muhammed Ali - we could set alight Ellie and get her to shoot up a wire into the Olympic torch - far more impressive. Artist's renditioning:

Ellie at the Olympics

Actually, that would even outdo Barcelona's firing of the arrow.

Well, now to matters domestic. I've been constructing a hand-held microphone and wandering about seeing what I can record. The best so far is when I snuck up on Master Craig:

Click here to listen to Roge's big trick

As long as Master Craig doesn't catch me - you may hear some more of my recordings.

My signature

Ellie Take me to the next diary entry!

a very nice picture of me I'd be very happy if you'd sign Master Craig's visitors' book before you leave (he won't create one for me).

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