182 June 13972

Another day, another bone (although Master Craig often forgets this important dog saying).

It's been a gloomy week. We've spent quite a bit of time catching up on the old soaps, now that Mistress Liz has gone on maternity leave to await the new Spot. Liz's leave has also affected us in other ways - she's sleeping alot and it is Mistress Liz who releases Ellie from her nightly lock-up. I think I haven't discussed this issue before - Ellie is locked up in the garage each night. It is allegedly due to her midnight barking and our consequent early morning escapes, however I think that it may be a political action against our protest for a backyard internet connection.

If this is the case, this is a serious matter. It is unfair that people with keys abuse that power and use it to disadvantage others. Over history, Hannibal, Ghengis Kahn, Hitler, Wally Wolfhound etc. have all abused their key powers. These people all had rooms, garages etc. where they would lock up dogs. Perhaps the most peculiar is Wally Wolfhound, who (as the name suggests) was actually a dog himself - perhaps the biggest dog traitor of them all! Wally lived in the early 7000's in Germany. Wally had keys to his own lock-up and wasn't afraid to use them. Legend has it that Wally would lock up the other dogs that lived with him whilst he went on midnight escapades into neighbouring farmlands where he would make friends with the animals that lived there. The treachery, therefore, is twofold:

  1. he would lock-up his comrades;and

  2. it is rumoured that he had cats in his entourage.

The story goes that Wally was out one night on a key abuse and an animal double-crossed him (since the animal double-crossed a traitor - I guess that makes it a hero). The animal was one of the last unicorns. The unicorn, whose name was Neville, snuck up on the brave Wally and plunged his horn into Wally. The horn broke off and was left in Wally.

The story then went that Neville had to live life without his horn and each of his children (calves) were also born without horns - that's why there are no unicorns apparently left today. But, the truth is that you shouldn't judge a unicorn by its cover.

The story doesn't end there.

Wally, although wounded, didn't die of his wounds (he lived on to become quite an old wolfhound). However, the unicorn's horn was magic and became part of Wally. My rendition is as follows:

Wounded Wally

(The picture raises the issue that I may be wasting my artistic talents in the Compound.)

Anyway, the unicorn's horn became fused with Wally. The result was that Wally couldn't get back into his own compound due to not being able to fit through the opening to his yard. Wally was found by his master, who immediately removed key privileges from Wally. Apart from his protuberance, Wally was just an ordinary dog again. That is, until a fellow named Robin Hooded came along and was able to remove the horn from Wally (many had tried beforehand) and was declared King of Germany. But that is a story for another time - remind me, though, to tell you about Guenivere, the Alaskan husky, who was Robin's dog.

Anyway, off to mail now.

Samantha returns from a stint in the wilderness:

"This is Samnatha again. I went to use the computer today and found that the seven cats I live with were on the net and they had found a site for cats. Now my problem is: Should cats, by the nature of being felines, back off and let me use the computer? Do you find this problem too? Keep working hard because "Dogs Rule" Good Luck, Samantha."
Samantha, are the seven cats small, white-haired and whistle a lot? We don't have your technical difficulties in our domain - we're masters of our compound - not merely do we have hand, we have four paws each. Cats do not encroach on our territory - we consider our home to be our Castle Craig. The answer to your question is that felines should definitely not have computer access - their furballs will play havoc with a keyboard.

Next, Juanita has made an attempt to explain her ramblings (see my last diary note):

"Let's have some fun with the obscure colloquialisms Juanita used in her last report; she may have been inadvertently showing-off her newfound abilities to "bark Texan." Here are translations of some phrases she used:

Large Land Mass = her canine way of saying "North American Continent";

Domain = her back yard area, to which she lays full claim, but which is always being invaded by small wild animals;

tree-bush = her way of describing a short, dense tree with low-hanging limbs which conceal a hiding dog very well;

railroad ties = the large timbers which support train rails, also used in Southwest USA as edging for planted areas;

opossum = a small, sloth-like creature that excels in playing dead... Juanita "killed" one twice in the back yard and called us as material witnesses, only to find it had run away a few minutes later;

Hotter Than All Get-Out = "hotter than hell," but with more genteel (?) overtones;

Dog Days = the hot days of summer; people don't like the heat but the dogs don't seem to mind;

duck = crouch down.

Hope all goes well with your preparations for the baby.... with everything else you are all doing, we imagine it to be a hectic season."

I think the mushroom effect is wearing off and, without that effect, I'm sure Juanita will agree that poetry is a waste of time (especially if you have to explain it).

Lastly, Bandit (a newbie) writes:

"Hi--I'm Bandit. My black and white coloring disguises the fact that I'm really descended from a long line of princely fellows dating back to Zorro. Hence, I'm all for the independence of each Dogue (and Dogue-Dogue). I know--Bandit is a ridiculous name but that's what I got stuck with and my new masters (who gave me a bath last night--yuck!) kept it."

Actually, Bandit is quite an interesting name - it takes me back to that cult classic - Smokie and the Bandit - I almost smell the rubber now. MMMMM, rubber....

My signature

Ellie Take me to the next diary entry!

a very nice picture of me I'd be very happy if you'd sign Master Craig's visitors' book before you leave (he won't create one for me).

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