14 October 13972

Whew, it's been quite a hard almost 2 weeks - Master Craig has had residential school on at University (where students studying externally attend short series of intensive lectures) - well, you should hear him whine to us - no time for the doggies - more time for the students - preparation etc. Anyway, at last he has gotten around to clearing the backlog of dog diary notes!

We were almost ready to contract out our writing - if Master Craig is unreliable and Mistress Liz remains unwilling to allow us a backyard internet connection, I'm not sure what we'll do.

The major thing to happen was that Master Craig, Mistress Liz and Young Elliot took leave to visit relatives and selected allsorts in Sydney over the weekend. Great for us - it gave us a bit of time to ourselves to collect our thoughts and go for a trot downtown.

We had a note from Spot-the-Fetid (Spot@under.bed.cat.au) boasting about the visit:

"Dear Roger and Eleanor,

I understand that your master and mistress are intending to make a visit to my home this weekend. I ask that you let them know from me that I probably won't be present due to a pressing engagement under my bed (my people think it is their bed but I know different). I hear they are also bringing something that cries with them, what is it??? Please ensure you pass on my message.

Spot the Fetid"

Well, back to what happened whilst Masters and Mistresses were away... Big Miss Ellie pleaded for us to go to the pub for a drink. I carefully explained to her that without an opposable thumb dogs simply can't hold their drink. She said that we could take our contraption down and use it (for details of the contraption, see way previous diary notes - we haven't been working on it much lately) - but in its state of disrepair the most we could probably do with it is knock the bartender on the head. Anyway, we got over that one without too much ado.

But, next Ellie got the idea that she wanted a tattoo. In fact, she quite liked the sound of asking for "two tattoos". She then wanted me to ask for "two tattoos too" - but at that point I told her she was being a total idiot and asked her where she was going to get even one tattoo that anyone could see (she hadn't thought it through). She said that she would get them on the inside of her ear (like the one I've already got) - but I thought it was pretty useless, since you could only show your closest friends a wax-encrusted tattoo - even forgetting about what sort of tattoo artist would be willing to take on the job.

It did take her quite a while to calm down, though - she even had the design all planned:


Anyway, we got past all that and we decided to go CD shopping.

Now, it's quite hard to write a note about CD's before you go down and have a look (and a bit of a listen). We were particularly pleased to find a Cure album (Head on the Door) - neither Ellie nor I had that one - so we snapped that up without listening to it - as black dogs we particularly like the gothic look of Robert Smith. Our favourite song is "The Baby Screams" - this is especially relevant since the addition of young Elliot.

We also found a Canadian band called the Killjoys (similar sound to the Lemonheads) - so we snapped that up too. I'd noticed them whilst watching some music videos with Master Craig - my favourite song is "Today I Hate Everyone". We had to have a listen to that one - but I'm sure you'll agree that it is very good.

Now, you might ask how a dog could get to listen to a CD in a record shop - you're right to question it since it wasn't a straightforward matter.

The trick (as always) is to avoid eye contact - this was peculiarly easy down at the record shop, since both Ellie and I went undercover as imbecilic-looking teenagers. We donned some leftover mop-tops a la the Beatles - now I'm not kidding - we took some mops from the garage and wore them on our heads with the tendrils hanging down over our eyes. That took care of the eye contact and also our snouts and a quantity of fur on our faces. The rest was a snap - we easily disguised our bodies by wearing baggy hipsters. I teamed them up with a Flaming Lips T-shirt of Master Craig, whilst Ellie went for a tank-top (a little dangerous in my view, but modern girls seem not to always shave under their arms - or their chests for that matter). We also practiced saying "Hey Dude!" a lot. The downside was that headphones are not made for dogs, so it was a little hard keeping them on straight, but the results were quite worth it.

However, we discovered the real downside upon returning home - we'd forgotten that we don't have an outdoor CD player - and we had as much chance of using the indoor one as using the computer. So now we want an outdoor internet connection and a CD ROM. Nevertheless, if we don't get it, we might always give the CD's to Master Craig as a Christmas present.

Lastly, we had a note from the noted animal wrangler and know-it-all Mark Palmer (markp@ophir.com.au):


Just a note to tell you that the curve does have a vague resemblance with a tan function. Note that the curve is a function and not a relation as I supected it might be after talking to Master Craig the other evening. Did you consider that the curve also implies that being extremely audacious does not change your room space very much as compared to the very very audacious state. Maybe the MCBP should be on the y-axis. This would mean that any any increase in audacity would put you out of the room altogether, which I think better reflects the situation. Hope you have a good walk soon.


Mark, you may not have noticed, but I write these pages largely as an outlet for my excessive intelligence and sense of fun. Also, most anecdotes, parables, analogies, jokes etc. do not stand up under intense scrutiny from someone who obviously has too much time on their hands. Why not concentrate on your own work rather than trying to criticise dogs for dabbling in fields in which they have no technical training (unlike yourself). Anyone reading this, please feel free to drop Professor Palmer a reminder note to keep his eyes on his own work.


My signature

Ellie Take me to the next diary entry or show me the complete calendar!

a very nice picture of me I'd be very happy if you'd sign Master Craig's visitors' book before you leave (he won't create one for me).

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