14 September 13993 - A funny thing happened on the way to the vet (general readership)

So, no-one seems to mind that I haven't written for 6 months.... No teary email about how much the bark of my voice has been missed. No pleading to re-join the land of the living. All I can say is that it's marvellous to be appreciated!!

Well, not much has gone on. I've been locked in the compound with no chance of escape since that time. Master Craig is promising to take Ellie and I for a walk in December though.

I am currently enjoying fierce onslaughts by Young Master Elliot who has truly mastered the ability to turn any inanimate object into a light sabre capable of making a grown dog yelp. Younger Master Felix bestows food parcels on us (it's remarkable the amount of food he can store in his cheeks).

Now, I should also let everyone know that I've been marketing this site to a number of minority groups in an attempt to get someone interested, so you'll excuse me if I now refer to some of my other readers....


14 Seppember 13993 - A funny thin' happened on th' way t'th' vet (redneck readership)

So, no-one seems t'mind thet ah ain't writ fo' 6 months.... No teary email about how much th' bark of mah voice has been missed, cuss it all t' tarnation. No pleadin' t're-join th' lan' of th' livin'. All ah can say is thet it's marvellous t'be appreesheeated! Fry mah hide!! Fry mah hide!

Wal, not much has gone on, as enny fool kin plainly see. I've been locked in th' compoun' wif no chance of excape on account o' thet time. Master Craig is promisin' t'take Ellie an' ah fo' a walk in December though.

ah's currently injoyin' fierce onslaughts by Yo'ng Master Elliot who has truly mastered th' ability t'turn enny inanimate objeck into a light sabre capable of makin' a grown houn'dog ye'p. Yo'nger Master Felix bestows grub parcels on us (it's remarkable th' amount of grub he kin sto'e in his cheeks).

Now, ah sh'd also let ev'ryone knows thet I've been marketin' this hyar site t'a number of mino'ity groups in an attempp t'git someone interested, so yo'll excuse me eff'n ah now refer t'some of mah other readers....


14 Septemba' 13993 - A funny doodad happened on de way t'de vet (jive readership)

So, no-one seems t'mind dat ah' ain't written fo' 6 monds.... No teary email about how much de bark uh my voice gots been missed. No pleadin' t're-join de land uh de livin'. All ah' can say be dat it's marvellous t'be appreciated! Preach it loud, bruddah!

Well, not much gots gone on. 'S coo', bro. I've been locked in de compound wid no chance uh escape since dat time. Masta' Craig be promisin' t'snatch Ellie and ah' fo' some walk in Decemba' dough. Lop some boogie.

I's gots'ta be currently enjoyin' fierce onslaughts by Yung Masta' Elliot who gots truly mastered da damn ability t'turn any inanimate object into some light sabre capable uh makin' some grown dog yelp. Jes hang loose, brud. Yunga' Masta' Felix bestows food parcels on us (it's remarkable da damn amount uh food he kin sto'e in his cheeks).

Now, ah' should also let everyone know dat I've been marketin' dis site t'a numba' of mino'ity groups in an attempt t'get some sucka interested, so's ya''ll 'suse me if ah' now refa' to some uh my oda' readers....


14 September 13993 - A funny fin' 'appened on the way ter the chuffin' vet (cockney readership)

So, no-one seems ter mind that I 'aven't written for 6 monffs.... Yer can't 'ave a knees-up wivout a joanna. No teary email about 'ow much the bark of me voice 'as been missed. No pleadin' ter re-join the land of the livin'. All I can say is that it's marvellous ter be appreciated! Right!! Right!

Well, not much 'as gone on. I've been locked in the bleedin' compound wiv no chance of escape since that time. Master Craig is promisin' ter take Ellie and I for a ball of chalk in December fough.

I'm currently enjoyin' fierce onslaughts by Yung Master Elliot 'oo 'as truly mastered the ability ter turn any inanimate object into a light sabre capable of makin' a grown dog yelp. Yunger Master Felix bestows food parcels on us (it's remarkable the amount of food 'e can store in 'is cheeks).

Now, I should also let evry geezer know that I've been marketin' this site ter a number of minority groups in an attempt ter get some bloke interested, so yer'll excuse me if I now refer ter some of me uvver readers....


14 Septembew 13993 - A funny thing happened on the way to the vet (Elmer readership)

So, no-one seems to mind that I haven't wwitten fow 6 months. Oh, dat scwewy wabbit! ... No teawy emaiw about how much the bawk of my voice has been missed. No pweading to we-join the wand of the wiving. Aww I can say is that it's mawvewwous to be appweciated!!

Weww, not much has gone on, uh-hah-hah-hah. I've been wocked in the compound wif no chance of escape since that time. Mastew Cwaig is pwomising to take Ewwie and I fow a wawk in Decembew though.

I am cuwwentwy enjoying fiewce onswaughts by Young Mastew Ewwiot who has twuwy mastewed the abiwity to tuwn any inanimate object into a wight sabwe capabwe of making a gwown dog yewp. Youngew Mastew Fewix bestows food pawcews on us (it's wemawkabwe the amount of food he can stowe in his cheeks).

Now, I shouwd awso wet evewyone know that I've been mawketing this site to a numbew of minowity gwoups in an attempt to get someone intewested, so you'ww excuse me if I now wefew to some of my othew weadews. Oh, dat scwewy wabbit! ...


14 September 13993 - A foonny theeng heppened oon zee vey tu zee fet (Swedish readership)

Su, nu-oone-a seems tu meend thet I hefen't vreettee fur 6 munths. Um gesh dee bork, bork!... Nu teery imeeel ebuoot hoo mooch zee berk ooff my fueece-a hes beee meessed. Bork bork bork! Nu pleedeeng tu re-a-jueen zee lund ooff zee leefing. Ell I cun sey is thet it's merfelluoos tu be-a eppreceeeted!!

Vell, nut mooch hes gune-a oon. Bork bork bork! I'fe-a beee lucked in zee cumpuoond veet nu chunce-a ooff iscepe-a seence-a thet teeme-a. Mester Creeeg is prumeesing tu teke-a Illeee-a und I fur a velk in December thuoogh.

I em coorrently injuyeeng feeerce-a oonslooghts by Yuoong Mester Illeeut vhu hes trooly mestered zee ebeelity tu toorn uny inuneemete-a oobject intu a leeght sebre-a cepeble-a ooff mekeeng a groon dug yelp. Yuoonger Mester Feleex bestoos fuud percels oon us (it's remerkeble-a zee emuoont ooff fuud he-a cun sture-a in hees cheeks).

Noo, I shuoold elsu let iferyune-a knoo thet I'fe-a beee merketeeng thees seete-a tu a noomber ooff meenurity gruoops in un ettempt tu get sumeune-a interested, su yuoo'll ixcoose-a me-a iff I noo reffer tu sume-a ooff my oozeer reeders. Um gesh dee bork, bork!...


14 Septembeh 13993 - A funby digg happenid on the, uh, the way t' de bet (moron readership)

So, no-one seems t' mind dat I haben't wrote f' 6 monds.... No te email bou' duh, how much de bark of my boice has been missed. No bleadigg t' re-dgoin de land of de libigg. All I can say dat it's marbellous t' be abbreshated! Huh huh!! Doihh, COOL!

Webuhll, not much has gone on. I'be been lockid in the, errr, c'pound wid no chass of escape siss dat time. Duh. Masteh Craig is promisigg t' take Ellie 'n I f' a walk in Decembeh dough.

I am current endgoyigg fiehce onslaughts by Young Masteh Elliot who has tru mastehid de abiltiby t' turn any inanimate obbuhjeck into a lite sabre capaggle of makigg a grown dog yelp. Duh, youngeh Masteh Felix bestows food parcels on us (it's remarkaggle de amount of food he can store in his cheeks).

Now, uh uh uh uh uh uh, I shudd also let ebehyone know dat I'be been marketigg dis site t' a numbeheh of minority groups in an attempp to get someone innerested, uh uh uh uh, so you'll excuse me if I now refeh t' some of my odeh readehs....


14 Eptembersay 13993 - Ayay unnyfay ingthay appenedhay onyay ethay ayway otay ethay etvay (Pig Latin readership)

Osay, o-onenay eemssay otay indmay atthay Iyay aven'thay ittenwray orfay 6 onthsmay.... Onay earytay emailyay aboutyay owhay uchmay ethay arkbay ofyay ymay oicevay ashay eenbay issedmay. Onay eadingplay otay e-joinray ethay andlay ofyay ethay ivinglay. Allyay Iyay ancay aysay isyay atthay it'syay arvellousmay otay ebay appreciatedyay!!

Ellway, otnay uchmay ashay onegay onyay. I'veyay eenbay ockedlay inyay ethay ompoundcay ithway onay ancechay ofyay escapeyay incesay atthay imetay. Astermay Aigcray isyay omisingpray otay aketay Ellieyay andyay Iyay orfay ayay alkway inyay Ecemberday oughthay.

Iyay amyay urrentlycay enjoyingyay iercefay onslaughtsyay ybay Youngay Astermay Elliotyay owhay ashay ulytray asteredmay ethay abilityyay otay urntay anyyay inanimateyay objectyay intoyay ayay ightlay abresay apablecay ofyay akingmay ayay owngray ogday yelpay. Youngeray Astermay Elixfay estowsbay oodfay arcelspay onyay usyay (it'syay emarkableray ethay amountyay ofyay oodfay ehay ancay orestay inyay ishay eekschay).

Ownay, Iyay ouldshay alsoyay etlay everyoneyay owknay atthay I'veyay eenbay arketingmay isthay itesay otay ayay umbernay ofyay inoritymay oupsgray inyay anyay attemptyay otay etgay omeonesay interestedyay, osay you'llay excuseyay emay ifyay Iyay ownay eferray otay omesay ofyay ymay otheryay eadersray....


14 September 13993 - A funny thing happened on the way to the vet (Valley girl readership)

So, no-one seems to mind that I haven't written for 6 months.... No teary dweeb-mail (please, like I am SO sure, we valley girls use the phone) like, you know, about how much the bark of my voice totally has like been missed. No pleading to re-join the land of the living. All I can say is totally that it's marvellous to be appreciated!!

Well, not much totally has gone on. I've been locked in the compound with no chance of escape since that time. Master Craig is totally promising to take Ellie and I for a walk in December though.

I am currently enjoying fierce onslaughts by Like, duh! Young Master Elliot who totally has truly mastered the ability to turn any inanimate object into a light sabre capable of making a grown Fifi yelp. Like, duh! Younger Master Felix bestows food parcels on us (it's remarkable the amount of food he can store in his cheeks).

Now, I should also let everyone know that I've been marketing this site to a number of minority groups in an attempt to get someone interested, so you'll excuse me if I now refer to some of my other readers....


14 $3pt3MB3R 13993 - a FunnY th1ng happ3n3D 0n th3 waY t0 th3 V3t (hacker readership)

$0, N0-0N3 $33m$ T0 m1Nd ThAT 1 hAV3N'T wr1TT3N f0r 6 m0NTh$..., hAkk3rz r3w|! N0 T3ArY 3mA1| Ab0uT h0w muCh Th3 bArk 0f mY V01C3 hA$ b33N m1$$3d, 5w33T! N0 P|3Ad1Ng T0 r3-j01N Th3 |ANd 0f Th3 |1V1Ng, hAkk3rz r3w|! A|| 1 CAN $AY 1$ ThAT 1T'$ mArV3||0u$ T0 b3 APPr3C1AT3d!!

w3||, N0t much hAZ g0N3 0N, hAkk3rz r3w|! 1'v3 b33N |0ck3D 1N th3 c0mP0uND w1th N0 chANc3 0f 3ZcAP3 Z1Nc3 thAt t1m3, 5w33t! mAZt3r crA1g 1Z Pr0m1Z1Ng t0 tAk3 3||13 AND 1 f0r A wA|k 1N D3c3mb3r th0ugh.

1 AM cUrr3Nt|y 3Nj0y1NG f13rc3 0N$|AUGht$ by y0UNG MA$t3r 3||10t Wh0 hA$ trU|y MA$t3r3D th3 Ab1|1ty t0 tUrN ANy 1NAN1MAt3 0bj3ct 1Nt0 A |1Ght $Abr3 cApAb|3 0f MAK1NG A Gr0WN D0G y3|p, 5W33t! y0UNG3r MA$t3r f3|1X b3$t0W$ f00D pArc3|$ 0N U$ (1t'$ r3MArKAb|3 th3 AM0UNt 0f f00D h3 cAN $t0r3 1N h1$ ch33K$).

N0W, 1 Zh0U|d A|Z0 |3T 3v3rY0N3 kN0W ThAT 1'v3 b33N mArk3T1Ng Th1Z Z1T3 T0 A NUmb3r 0F m1N0r1TY gr0UpZ 1N AN ATT3mpT T0 g3T Z0m30N3 1NT3r3ZT3d, Z0 Y0U'|| 3XCUZ3 m3 1F 1 N0W r3F3r T0 Z0m3 0F mY 0Th3r r3Ad3rZ....


14 September 13993 - A smurfy thing happened on the way to the vet (smurf readership)

So, no-one seems to mind that I haven't written for 6 months.... Smurftabulous! No teary email about how much the bark of my smurfy voice has been missed. Smurfilicious! No pleading to re-join the land of the living. Smurftabulous! All I can say is smurfily that it's marvellous to be appreciated!!

Well, not much has gone on. Smurftabulous! I've been locked in the compound with no chance of escape since that time. Smurftabulous! Master Craig is smurfily promising to take Ellie and I for a walk in December though.

I am currently enjoying fierce onslaughts by Young Master Elliot who the smurf has truly mastered the ability to turn any inanimate object into a light sabre capable of masmurf a grown dog yelp. Smurfy, isn't smurfily it? Younger Master Felix smurfiestows food parcels on us (it's remarkable the amount of food he can store in his cheeks).

Now, I should also let everyone know that I've been marketing this smurf to a number of minority groups in an attempt to get someone interested, so you'll excuse me if I now refer to some of my smurfy other readers....


14 September 13993 - A funny thing happened on the way to the vet (Australian readership)

So, no-one seems to mind that I haven't written for 6 months..., mate. No teary email about how much the bark of me voice has been missed, y'know mate? No pleading to re-join the land of the living, mate. All I can say is that it's marvellous to be appreciated!!

Well, not much has gone on, mate. I've been locked blow the compound with buckley's of escape since that time, mate. Master Craig is promising to take Ellie and I for a walk blow December though.

I am currently enjoying fierce onslaughts by Young Master Elliot who has truly mastered the ability to shout any inanimate object into a light sabre capable of making a grown dog yelp, mate. Younger Master Felix bestows tucker parcels on us (it's remarkable the amount of tucker he can store blow his cheeks).

Now, I should also let everyone know that I've been marketing this site to a number of minority groups blow an burl to get someone interested, so you'll excuse me if I now refer to some of me other readers....


(Satanic readership) ....sredaer rehto ym fo emos ot refer won I fi em esucxe lluoy os ,detseretni enoemos teg ot tpmetta na ni spuorg ytironim fo rebmun a ot etis siht gnitekram neeb evI taht wonk enoyreve tel osla dluohs I ,woN .skeehc sih ni erots nac eh doof fo lettnuoma enotht elbakrayour spending exceed your incomemer sti su no slecrap doof swotseb xileF retsaM regnuoY .pley god nworg a gnikam fo elbapac erbas thgil a otni tcejbo etaminani yna nrut ot ytiliba eht deretsam ylurt sah ohw toillE retsaM gnuoY yb sthgualsno ecreif gniyojne yltnerruc ma I .hguoht rebmeceD ni klaw a rof I dna eillE ekat ot gnisimorp si giarC retsaM .emit taht ecnis epacse fo ecnahc on htiw dnuopmoc eht ni dekcol neeb evI .no enog sah hcum ton ,lleW detaicerppa eb ot suollevram sti taht si yas nac I llA .gnivil eht fo dnal eht nioj-er ot gnidaelp oN .dessim neeb sah eciov ym fo krab eht hcum woh tuoba liame yraet oN ....shtnom 6 rof nettirw tnevah I taht dnim ot smees eno-on ,oS tev eht ot yaw eht no deneppah gniht ynnuf A - 39931 rebmetpeS 41 (Please read carefully for hidden meanings)


14 September 13993 - A funny thing happened on the way to the vet (Hippy readership)

So, no-one seems to mind that I haven't written for 6 months.... No teary email about how much the bark of my voice has been missed. No pleading to re-join the land of the living. All I can say is that it's marvellous to be appreciated!!

Well, not much has gone on. I've been locked in the compound with no chance of escape since that time. Master Craig is promising to take Ellie and I for a walk in December though.

I am currently enjoying fierce onslaughts by Young Master Elliot who has truly mastered the ability to turn any inanimate object into a light sabre capable of making a grown dog yelp. Younger Master Felix bestows food parcels on us (it's remarkable the amount of food he can store in his cheeks).

Now, I should also let everyone know that I've been marketing this site to a number of minority groups in an attempt to get someone interested, so you'll excuse me if I now refer to some of my other readers....



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Ellie Take me to the next diary entry or show me the complete calendar!

a very nice picture of me I'd be very happy if you'd sign Master Craig's visitors' book before you leave (he won't create one for me).

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