BIG NEWS BIG NEWS BIG NEWS BIG NEWS BIG NEWS BIG NEWS BIG NEWS BIG NEWS BIG NEWS BIG NEWS
Ellie is legless. Some of you might say that that is little old news, but I'm talking literally. She was rushed to the doctor on Monday, suffering from a very proiminent limp (I reckon that she made it so - that's right I wouldn't be surprised if she just wanted to take attention away from moi).
It will serve her right anyway, since the doctor reckoned that she may have ripped her Cruciate ligament and she could have to have a rather expensive operation.
At this point, I played devil's advocate with Master Craig (my expertise at ciphering certainly came in handy):
|Capital cost (amortised over her current 21 dog years)||$30|
|Concrete to fill holes due to Ellie's incitement||$10|
|Barking at anything||$5,000|
|Joy to our hearts||$5,515|
|Well-worn garden paths||$3|
|Barking at prowlers||$5|
The bottom line shows clearly that Ellie is currently $199 in the clear - that's not too bad for a little black pound dog with a preference for things distilled. However, once we add a $300 debit re. Ellie's operation, she suddenly is found $101 in red. Compare that situation with one involving Doctor Kavorkian and suddenly Ellie is left in the black (with sufficient $'s left to even buy a nice plot in a pet cemetary).
I thought that the decision was obvious - I'd even dig an Ellie-shaped hole in the backyard...
Well, Master Craig would have nothing to do with it. I even promised that I'd try harder to misbehave so that it seems like Ellie never left us, but still no good...
So, it looks like we get to keep the little cripple. Funny, as soon as I started throwing a few figures around, the little black one's leg seemed to get a whole lot better.
However, I'm still left with the query as to what sort of dog does its Cruciate? Especially one that spends most of her time cavorting in the sun - heat stroke I can understand - a torn/ripped/broken ligament I do not. Perhaps, she turned over too suddenly.
Well, back to matters me. I decided to start teaching a bit of computing on the side. I'm going to offer a "Master of Roge" degree to any interested people who are able to wade through a lot of complicated computer stuff. I set my first test (Rusty 1 enrolled). Don't tell him I've published his answers on the web, but some of them show some real promise (remember that poor Rusty is very much a country dog, with none of his family going on to tertiary education):
Write a brief descrpition of the following terms: Log On Makin' the wood stove hotter. Log Off Don't add any more wood. Monitor Keep an eye on the wood stove. Download Gettin' the firewood off the pickup. Mega Hertz When yer not careful downloadin' (watch th' paws!). Floppy Disk Whatcha get from pilin' too much firewood. Disk Operating System The equipment the Doc uses when you have a floppy disk. RAM The hydraulic thingy that makes the woodsplitter work. Hard Drive Gettin' home in mud season. Windows What to shut when it's 30 below. Screen What you need for black fly season. Byte What black flies do. Chip What to munch on. Micro Chip What's left in the bag when the chips are gone. Infrared Where the leftovers go when Fred's around. Modem What you did to the hay fields. Dot Matrix John Matrix's dog. Printer Someone who can't write in cursive. Lap Top Where I like to sit. Keyboard Where you hang your keys. Software Them plastic eatin' utensils. 486 One of them fancy imported cars. Mouse What eats the horses' grain in the barn. Main Frame The part of the barn that holds the roof up. Port Fancy wine. Enter C'mon in! Random Access Memory When you suddenly can't remember who ate the cat when your master asks. Digital Like those numbers that flip on your alarm clock. Apple If you don't know what an apple is, I ain't tellin'. Program What's on the TV when there's reception. CD ROM The place in the bank where they sell retirement accounts.
Rusty should be my first graduate!
Well, off to the mail...
Bandit writes concerning my elevation to very high heights:
Roge Bandit here! You wrote: >Just a note to let you know that I've been nominated in the >Australian Internet Awards under the categories: > >Arts & Entertainment >Innovative or Original Content > >Please vote for us in both categories by clicking on "Take Part" at >the following URL: > >http://www.webawards.info.au/index.html > >Remember to vote early and vote often! > >Ellie, Gladys and I can't wait to attend the black-tie function! I'm >going to see if I can get Master Craig to get me that paisley vest >I've been whining about (the last time he said that it doesn't suit >him - you have to be very blunt to get anywhere with him). > >A diary note will follow shortly. > >BTW, Master Craig got blamed by Mistress Liz for my kiss with Gladys >- she said that he only encourages me and that it is very unnatural. >Master Craig explained to her that Roge received no complaints and >that Gladys is old enough to decide what she wants for herself. > >Until tomorrow, or the next day.... > >Roge I certainly hope you have the foresight to keep out of trouble with all those many stars over there in OZ...I have heard popularity can really go to some dogs' heads. You heard how RinTinTin actually was seen dancing with King, Sgt. Preston's long-time companion...whell! The scandal! Good luck to you! ****ARF! YIP!**** Some day I will burst my bud of calm and blossom into hysteria..."
If popularity went to my head, you'd be:
Until next time....
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I'd be very happy if you'd sign Master Craig's visitors' book before you leave (he won't create one for me).
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