Entertainment matters

Things I learnt from the movies:

Cartoon Laws

Cartoon Law I

Any body suspended in space will remain in space until made aware of its situation.

Cartoon Law II

Any body in motion will tend to remain in motion until solid matter intervenes suddenly.

Cartoon Law III

Any body passing through solid matter will leave a perforation conforming to its perimeter (also called the silhouette of passage). The threat of skunks or matrimony often catalyzes this reaction.

Cartoon Law IV

The time required for an object to fall twenty stories is greater than or equal to the time it takes for whoever knocked it off the ledge to spiral down twenty flights to attempt to capture it unbroken.

Cartoon Law V

All principles of gravity are negated by fear.

Cartoon Law VI

Certain bodies can pass through solid walls painted to resemble tunnel entrances; others cannot.

Cartoon Law VII

Any violent rearrangement of feline matter is impermanent. Corollary: A cat will assume the shape of its container.

Cartoon Law VIII

For every vengeance there is an equal and opposite revengeance.

Cartoon Law IX

Everything falls faster than an anvil.

Cartoon Law X

A sharp object will always propel a character upward.

Cartoon Law XI Explosive weapons cannot cause fatal injuries.

Cartoon Law XII

Gravity is transmitted by slow-moving waves of large wavelengths. Their operation can be wittnessed by observing the behavior of a canine suspended over a large vertical drop. Its feet will begin to fall first, causing its legs to stretch. As the wave reaches its torso, that part will begin to fall, causing the neck to strech. As the head begins to fall, tension is released and the canine will resume its regular proportions until such time as it strikes the ground.

Cartoon Law XIII

Any given character (e.g. Bugs Bunny), dressed as a woman, is completely irresistible to any other character (eg. Yosemite Sam) despite the cross-species implications.

Ten reasons why "Scooby Doo" was a drug-influenced cartoon:

  1. Scooby and Shaggy were always being freaked out by ghosts and ghouls, but no one else saw them before Scoob and Shaggy.
  2. Scooby and Shaggy always had the munchies.
  3. Shaggy always thought Scooby was talking and was the only one who could hear him and understand him.
  4. Scooby and Shaggy always fell into the trap that was intended for the monster because they were tripping over themselves and couldn't see where they were going.
  5. They were always deluded and warped by thinking they were dressed up in some costumes and entertained the monster.
  6. Shaggy always said "like" to the extreme, i.e. "like ZOIKS, Scoob, let's get outta here!!" What's a zoik?
  7. Scooby and Shaggy were always the ones in the back of the van (doing who knows what).
  8. They drove around in the MYSTERY MACHINE, which had that weird trippy design on its side.
  9. Shaggy and Scooby were always giddy and laughing.
  10. Look at Shaggy; the way he dressed, his goatee, enough said.

Steven Wright Quotes

Things I Learned From Video Games

  1. There is no problem that cannot be overcome by violence.

  2. If it moves, KILL IT!

  3. Piloting any vehicle is simple and requires no training.

  4. One lone "good guy" can defeat an indeterminate number of "bad guys."
    • "Bad guys" move in predictable patterns.
    • Except for "bosses," most "bad guys" can be dispatched with one hit.
    • You often fare better against a large mob of "bad guys" then against a "boss" in one on one combat.

  5. If you see food lying on the ground, eat it.

  6. You can smash things and get away with it.
    • Smashing things doesn't hurt.
    • Many nice things are hidden inside other things.

  7. If someone dies, they disappear.

  8. The operation of a weapon is a simple and obvious procedure.

  9. You never run out of ammunition, just grenades.

  10. Death is reversible (but only for you!).

  11. Ninjas are common, and fight in public frequently.

  12. Whenever huge fat evil men are about to die, they begin flashing red or yellow.

  13. Although the enemy always has more aircraft than you, they fly in elaborate patterns which make it easier for you to shoot them all down.

  14. The enemy always leaves weapons or powerups lying around for no reason other than so their bitter enemy can pick them up and defeat them with it.

  15. Shoot everything. If it blows up or dies, it was evil. If it doesn't, try and pick it up - it was probably a powerup or bonus.

  16. When racing vehicles, do not worry if your vehicle crashes and explodes. A new vehicle will appear in its place.

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