Dear Mr. Hoerck,
Thank you for your letter of February 17th. After careful consideration I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me employment with your company.
This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates it is impossible for me to accept all refusals.
Despite your company's outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet my needs at this time. Therefore, I will initiate employment with your firm immediately following graduation.
I look forward to seeing you shortly.
The Night Before Finals ========================= Twas the night before finals, And all through the college, The students were praying For last minute knowledge. Most were quite sleepy, But none touched their beds, While visions of essays Danced in their heads. Out in the taverns, A few were still drinking, And hoping that liquor Would loosen their thinking. In my own room, I had been pacing, And dreading exams I soon would be facing. My roommate was speechless, His nose in his books, And my comments to him Drew unfriendly looks. I drained all the coffee, And brewed a new pot, No longer caring That my nerves were shot. I stared at my notes, But my thoughts were muddy, My eyes went ablur, I just couldn't study. "Some pizza might help," I said with a shiver, But each place I called Refused to deliver. I'd nearly concluded That life was too cruel, With futures depending On grades made at school. When all of a sudden, Our door opened wide, And Patron Saint Put-Off Ambled inside. His spirit was careless, His manner was mellow, All of a sudden, He started to bellow. "On Cliff notes, on Crib notes On Last Year Exams. On Wingit and Slingit And Last Minute Crams." His message delivered He vanished from sight. But we heard him laughing Outside in the night. Your teachers have pegged you So just do your best. Happy Finals to All And to all a Good Test.
THE DEAN Leaps tall buildings in a single bound Is more powerful than a locomotive Is faster than a speeding bullet Walks on water Gives policy to God THE FACULTY HEAD Leaps short buildings in a single bound Is more powerful than a shunting engine Is just as fast as a speeding bullet Walks on water if he knows where the stumps are Talks with God PROFESSOR Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds Is almost as powerful a shunting engine Is faster than a speeding BB gun shot Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool Talks with God if a special request is honoured SENIOR LECTURER Barely clears a hut Loses tug of war with a locomotive Can fire a speeding bullet Swims well Is occasionally addressed by God LECTURER Makes high marks on the walls when trying to leap tall buildings Is run over by locomotives Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury Treads water Talks to animals TUTOR Climbs walls continually Rides the rails Plays russian roulette Walks on thin ice Prays a lot GRADUATE STUDENT Runs into buildings Recognizes locomotives two out of three times Is not issued ammunition Can stay afloat with a life jacket Talks to walls UNDERGRADUATE STUDENT Falls over doorstep when trying to enter buildings Says "Look at the choo-choo" Wets himself with a water pistol Plays in mud puddles Mumbles to himself FACULTY SECRETARY Picks up tall buildings and walks under them Knocks locomotives off track with a sneeze Catches speeding bullets in teeth Parts larges bodies of water IS GOD
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