Return to: BabyworldHi everyone Yes, another month has gone by and I'm still here. My bed arrived and I've been using it with relative ease. The beauty of a bed is that it doesn't have sides. This may seem to be an insignificant matter for many who have used a bed for a number of years, but the lifestyle difference is substantial. The first difference was that I could fall out of the bed with ease. Mummy and Daddy had left mattresses on either side of the bed, so I wasn't damaged. But, a sleeping baby finds it difficult to arouse oneself sufficiently to climb back into bed. The result is that it's easier to scream and get put back in bed than to do it yourself. Of course, the first night I was quite content to sleep on the floor, but Mummy and Daddy wouldn't answer the call for "GOCKS!". My feet were cold and socks were not provided. Once over that initial difference, I realised that a bed gives me sleeping flexi-time. I know that I need about 14 hours sleep a day. Previously, I was restricted to a nap of about 2-3 hours and a sleep of about 11-12 hours. However a bed can change all that. Instead of planning sleep on a daily basis, it is possible to organise oneself over a far longer period - I'm currently using a weekly basis, but there is no impediment to using a monthly or even yearly period (perhaps even longer with the benefit of long range computer modelling). What this translates to is that my nap may now vary from the time it takes me to knock off a bottle of milk (about 10 minutes) all the way through to 4-5 hours. This gives me flexibility even on a daily basis to cut back the nightly sleep to 9 hours (although this rarely meshes with Mummy's and Daddy's sleep time - but we're only out a few hours normally). However, using a weekly basis means that on some days there is no nap and sleep is often reduced to 6 hours, although other days I might virtually sleep the whole way through. This gives me flexibility to spend more quality time watching television (Wiggles, Teletubbies etc.), building relationships with my toys and, of course, squirming in Mummy and Daddy's bed. In fact, I have found that playing peek-a-boo with Mummy and Daddy at 2am is far superior than in daytime since it's so much darker. Mummy and Daddy do try hard though. They like to leave my door open. I've worked out that there's a three strike rule. On the third strike, the door gets locked. That leaves me with strikes one and two to convince Mummy and Daddy that it's not bed time. The first strike normally involves me polishing off my bottle of milk and coming out saying "Botble". It gives me the possibility of more up time coupled with a fresh bottle of milk. Normally I get sent back to bed with a kiss. The second strike involves returning with my full bottle of milk and saying something like "Wiggles, yes". I even sometimes say "Start Treeek, yes" since Daddy will normally then lay his support behind my television viewing. Unfortunately, the second strike is normally umpired by Mum and I end up back in bed. The third strike is always problematic. It's a risky one. pull it off and you're up for another hour. Don't pull it off and you're locked in your room - so there's no 2am peek-a-boo. The other night I worked out a different way to test the waters. I got up sneaked to the loungeroom door where Mummy and Daddy were and just stuck my hand in. I think I heard Daddy snicker, so I thought that the cute factor may be working in my favour. I then chose to wave a little. I think that may have managed to catch Mummy's eye and all I heard was Mummy saying "BED!". I dutifully returned to bed. I've been working on my delivery though. I've been showing an interest in Daddy's music and if you ask me what my favourite band is, I answer "Batsss!". I can also at a pinch say "Pavemeeennt". I have an idea that if I get up and say "Daddy, please let me listen to Pavement and teach me about the best independent music available", more up time may be granted. The countdown to the new baby is still happening - but now there is less than a month to the drop-off date. It's a bit scary. It's especially scary that Nanna is coming to help us over the verge. Don't get me wrong Nanna's an OK lady, but she's not as easy to organise as Mummy and Daddy. What I mean is that a well-placed scream, cry, throw or thrust will normally organise Mummy and Daddy, but Nanna likes medieval tools like play-pens and cots. In the past, this has unduly hampered my lifestyle decisions. The way I've chosen to combat this difficulty is that I've named a number of the toys I play as various people I know. This allows me to do field simulations on ways that the various characters may interact in practice. For example, Mummy is a blonde-haired girl-doll who drives a car, whilst Daddy is a dark-haired man-doll who flies a helicopter. Nanna is a little plastic Hamburglar (from MacDonalds). I organise Nanna to sit and just watch things happen. My commands to her are usually: "Sit, nanna" "Stay, nanna" "No, nanna" "Nanna gone" My field trials show that she is particularly affected by high pitched squeals and brute force. I suspect that she may be capable of organisation after all. Please wish me all the best in these endeavours. Remember that I'm not doing it only for myself but for any babies that may follow in the household. As a parting note, after my list last month of books that I could write, I was sent a list of potential children's books that were allegedly entered in a Washington Post contest: "You Were an Accident" "Strangers Have the Best Candy" "The Little Sissy Who Snitched" "Some Kittens Can Fly!" "The Attention Deficit Disorder Association's Book of Wild Animals of North Amer- Hey! Let's Go Ride Our Bikes!" "The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking" "Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia" "What Is That Dog Doing to That Other Dog?" "Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?" "Bi-Curious George" "Daddy Drinks Because You Cry" "You Are Different and That's Bad" Some of those have quite a good ring to them - I'll have to have a re-think of my literary possibilities. Until next month (probably post-baby) Elliot
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