170 February 13993 - I'm back!
I've been butting heads with Master Craig for awhile and he put a stop on my internet account....
I've promised that this note will be contrite, penitent and remorseful.... Roger Dogue has been a bad dog. Other dogs would be wise not to follow his behaviour. He is very naughty and is not a role model. Credit card fraud is not a misdemeanour - it is a crime. It is impolite to use the family telephone for nefarious purposes. A good dog is seen and rarely barks (especially at cat food companies down the phone). It is dangerous to fill a paper bag with drool, place it on your neighbour's doorstep, light it and ring the doorbell. Ellie's personal space must be respected.
Obviously, I've been a bit of a ragamuffin.
In addition to a grounding, enforced contrition and bar from internet access, Master Craig made me write an apology note to Ellie:
--Ode to Ellie-- Ellie canis is your taxonomic nomenclature, An endothermic quadruped, carnivorous by nature Your visual, olfactory, and auditory senses Control your hunting skills and natural defenses. I find myself intrigued by your supervocal oscillations, A singular development of dog communications That obviates your basic hedonistic predilection For attacking all that moves to demonstrate aggression. Bad breath is quite essential for your self-sufficient talents. You would not be so alone if you lacked its toxic redolence. And when not being utilized to aid in fragrant isolations, It often serves to illustrate the state of your emotions. Oh Ellie, the complex levels of behaviour you display Connote a fairly well-developed cognitive array. And though you are not sentient, Ellie, and do not comprehend, I nonetheless consider you a true and valued friend.
I mentioned my grounding. Master Craig, after a couple of years in attempts, has actually managed to mend the fence! No great skill or anything exhibited on his part, though. He just decided to stop trying pieces of rotten wood and old bits of string, wire and sticks to bar my departure. He actually got his hands on some pretty heavy-duty metal fencing and suspended it above the edifice that he calls a fence. Unfortunately, being a pusher, flopper, burrower and contriver (and not a runner, jumper, suspender and springer), I have been unable to pierce his evil machinations. Of course, in my new sense of contrition, I view that as a good thing, since I am a bad dog - even given my attractive personality.
It's quite strange that since my confinement, I have managed to make a lot of new friends. Recently, I had quite an interesting conversation with a couple of weevils (Betty and Arnold). Arnold actually left the Compound only recently to try to join the cast of Bay Watch (which is seeking to set up a film set at Avalon Beach in Sydney). We suspect that Arnold is likely to get a support role due to his fine speaking voice. I could see myself at some point on that show - Rogedog striding down the beach running into and out of the water, trying to catch birds, rolling in dead fish and seaweed....
The last time that Master Craig took me to a beach was when he was about to trade in his 1984 Mitsubishi Colt (Sports) - it always seemed strange to think of the Colt as a "sports". Anyway, it was cleaned out for a trade the next day. The day started well with us going for a paddle in the surf. The only thing that bothered Master Craig was when I paddled a bit close to his chest - my nails did do a bit of damage. The fun bit was when we were walking back to the car and I found a pit that had a delicious mixture of water and oil. I sure smelt good. Unfortunately, I was forced to have a bath in the surf - but salty water without soap does not tend to remove oily grime in dog fur. Since the car had been cleaned out, there weren't even any old towels or rugs for me to sit on....
Beach days were always fun!
I guess if Arnold makes it big, we'll be able to refer to Betty as the lesser of the two weevils. That's not to put Betty down - she and I have been working on a stress-free diet so that I can shed a few unwanted kilos (feel free to use it yourself!):
Breakfast:
1/2 grapefruit
1 slice toast
1 cup skim milk
Lunch:
1 lean broiled chicken breast
1 cup steamed spinach
1 cup herb tea
1 biscuit
Mid-Afternoon snack:
The rest of the packet of biscuits
1 bucket of ice cream with topping of choice (I prefer whipped cream and hot caramel sauce)
Dinner:
2 loaves garlic bread
4 cans or 1 large pitcher Coke
1 large sausage, mushroom and cheese pizza
3 Mars bars
Late Evening News:
Frozen Sara Lee cheesecake (eaten directly from freezer)
Ancillary Rules
1. If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.
2. If you drink a diet fizz drink with confectionary, the calories in the confectionary
are canceled out by the diet drink.
3. When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you do not eat
more than they do.
4. Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER count, such as hot chocolate,
brandy, toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake.
5. If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.
6. Movie related foods do not have additional calories because they are part
of the entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel.
7. Biscuit pieces contain no calories. The process of breaking causes calorie
leakage.
8. Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the
process of preparing something.
9. Anything consumed while standing has no calories. This is due to
gravity and the density of the caloric mass.
10. Anything consumed from someone else's plate has no calories since the
calories rightfully belong to the other person and will cling to his/her
plate.
REMEMBER: STRESSED SPELLED BACKWARDS IS DESSERTS!Although I've still gaining weght, I think that the increase in weight may be gradually slowing....
Well, better get off to the mailbox:
Roge and Ellie, It's been a long and hard winter. At one point we had over 2 feet of snow on the ground. This hid about 2 inches of ice. I had trouble finding the back yard and the snow blower mounded the snow way over my head along the drive and walk. I had little communication with the other dogs in the area. Mistress Linda had a job promotion and I hardly saw her for a few weeks. Things are getting better. I have a question about this "Ground Hog" theory. The story is if he see's his shadow we will have 6 more weeks of winter. Who put this animal in charge of when spring come's? If I saw him I would chase him back into his hole for six more weeks. Thousands of people gather to see him predict Spring. I just can't figure out why. I have been searching the net for information on this hog that lives in the ground. I would like the chance to forecast when Spring is coming. What do you think? Samantha aka the local Ground Hog.
Samantha, you certainly make a lot of sense! I haven't really liked Bill Murray since Ghost Busters in any case.
Dear Roger + Ellie, Hi! I haven't been to your site in a long time, so I decided to stop by. It was more funnier than I remembered from my last visit, so I wanted to proclaim your site "Site of the Week" in my Pet Spa (it's undergoing a huge renovation, should be up by the new year). I hope that it's all right for the Pet Spa to put a link up to your site :) Thanks for having such a great page! -Mo Mo
I quite like the idea of a spa filled with dogs.... If today's diary note has changed your view of the page, I attribute it to my confinement.
Hi fellow K9's and Merry Christmas to you and your master and family. Thought we would let you know how the holidays are going. It is cold and snowing here in Ohio. The tempeture is -7C now. April and I are sitting by the fire place. We received the usual doggie treats and raw hide bones this year. Our master lets us stay inside more now that its winter. Young master Chris got a remote control truck that he enjoys chasing us with. We are planning to make a trap and stop it so we can get some rest. Can you believe that Samatha's owner gave our master a book titled "Why Cats Paint". It shows pictures of cats getting paint on there paws and making prints on paper. People even sell the paintings. We dont think a dog would do someting like that just to get attention. Chasing a rabbit or checking out another dog is more respectable dont you think. We live with two cats which is bad enough. Except they give us something to chase inside on a cold evening like this. Right now Bear is keeping watch over my spot next to the fire so the cat won't come by and suck up the heat. So how did your Christmas go and what is it like to have little kids around. Bet you get a lot of food at dinner. Time to get back to the warm fire and an evening nap. Best of Holiday wishes from frozen Northeastern Ohio. April and Bear
You give me a few things to think about:
I hope to write soon!
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I'd be very happy if you'd sign Master Craig's visitors' book before you leave (he won't create one for me).
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