Ellie's been acting a little strangely lately. I think she was a bit disappointed that we didn't make the finals of the Australian internet awards. At about the same time her coffee harvest matured and she's roasted the beans. She doesn't make a bad coffee either.
She's been drinking the stuff virtually non-stop. I've noticed some changes in her:
She's also starting to some strange things with M&M's. All I can say is that there are a lot of squashed M&M's lying around the backyard - I've asked her to explain herself, but she's very evasive. Today, I found the following note:
"Roge Sorry, I've been a bit elusive recently, but I've been conducting some scientific trials. I've been going down the shops and getting plain M&Ms. I have made it my duty to work out which colour M&M's are the strongest and most robust! To this end, I've been holding M&M trials. I take two M&M's in my paws, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round. I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I hypothesize that the blue M&Ms cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world. Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment. When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to The M&M Mars Company with a note reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes." This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 500g bag of plain M&Ms. With this grant, I will use next weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion. There can be only one. You are welcome to give me a hand - I will supply the coffee. Yours Ellie"
That explained quite a bit. However, I still have lingering questions about why there are always cars turning up at our place at odd times with people dropping brown paper bags over the fence.
Well, off to the mailbag:
"Master Craig, Please tell Roge that I am in receipt of his letter and I really need a new medallion so I wish to enter the competition. I will do what ever in this Doggie Dog World it takes to win this task. If you would like, I will pay a visit to your Mistress Liz ( via email of course) and I will BEG her to get you that Internet Connection. I can be a forceful dog you know. I will threaten to tinkle in her house and even get the two Rusty's that are your neighbors to go running through the mud and decorate her carpeting. I am really at a loss for more ideas. I have added the Protest to my Mistress's web page, I have barked every night at midnight. And now I will also see if I can get this on the local news. Well I have to go and fetch my sister who is a cat named Patches and see if she has any ideas to help out. Your friend Mocha - Who runs the famous Dear Mocha advice column for Pets across the world."
Mocha, who do you think I am? I have feelings, too. I was very hurt that you wrote to Master Craig and got him to pass on the message to me - do you think I can't understand your oh so complex advice. Doesn't look like that beautiful medallion will be going your way. (Unless, of course, you get me on TV and send me a video!) I believe that you should start redeeming yourself immediately by barking strong and loud.
"Dear Roge, Your diary is a very splendid idea. Plus I think it can also be used in a court of law if you ever have to SUE your human pets. It has occured to me another idea for your fight for your Internet Connection. When my Mistress Folkgal lets me surf the Internet with her, I have noticed many sites that have adpoption things. Like if you have a web page you can adopt a fairy, or a pet and put it on your page and then of course it has a link back to the persons page you adopted it from. Well you could possibly make up some type of graphic, like the Internet did for protest of freedom of speech. You could have it for Freedom of pets having Internet Connections. You could get other web sites to show this banner in support... Like instead of the ribbon they used, a dog biscuit or something appealing to us. I could help you advertise to other Dogs to get their masters to put this on there page.. And it can link back here. What do you think.? Also I am wondering if know of any single females doggies that I might go out on a blind date with. Mistress Folkgal says I am to young to date but I want to have a nice friend I can hold paws with. It's tough being a single guy you know. Your Pal Mocha"
You raise some interesting ideas, Mocha (you may redeem yourself yet). Have a look at Baby Elliot's page - I had a bit of a play the other day (don't tell Master Craig, though).
Everything looks perfectly normal, until you put the pointer over Young Master Elliot's picture (the first one) - provided you're using Netscape 3, you'll see a fair bit of payback on the little tike (he ate my dog food yesterday and drank from my water bucket). I'm feeling quite highly strung at the moment!
I could have a logo that does something like Elliot's piccy.
As for babes, I'm running a bit low at the moment - I'm limiting myself to no more than 3 girlfriends at any one time. I find it gets horribly complicated with any more than that.
"Dear Roger and Ellie, Sorry that it has been so long since I was last able to write. Mistress Linda has been watching the World Series of baseball. It seems that her home team is playing and this is taking up a lot of her time. I have a question for you: The other day I was looking at live cam's from all over the world. I came across a shot of Sydney and the time dated was the next day. I know that Mistress Linda explained about time zones and all BUT I was looking at 10AM the NEXT day from here. Was I looking into the future? Samantha the Inquisitive."
Are you sure that it was 10AM the NEXT day? I think that you may find that it was 10AM the NEXT day in the NEXT year. We're very advanced down here, what with internet connections and the like.
Next time you have a look - see if you can see any horse or doggy races - you could make a tidy sum if you get any results.
"i think that gladys should get it. it would be a great gift to her to commemorate the fact that they're "going steady". jen shep"
I'm not sure that I want to give it to Gladys - we haven't been getting on that well lately. I met her folks on the weekend. It appears that they have a few biases.... I don't feel like talking about it at the moment - but, let me just say that they're not as open-minded as they say.
Also, Mistress Liz keeps saying to me - why don't you just go out and meet a nice Labrador or Dalmation. Gladys is only using you, you know. She just likes to hang out with the "alternate crowd" - it's all your music connections.... There are plenty of fish in the pound.
I'm very confused at the moment.
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Take me to the next diary entry or show me the complete calendar!
I'd be very happy if you'd sign Master Craig's visitors' book before you leave (he won't create one for me).
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