Well, now that baby's here the weeks are just zooming by. Master Craig doesn't seem to have the same time to write my memoirs.

The only mail this week is from Spot the Fetid and, being from a cat, it's not all that entralling:

"Dear Roger and Ellie,

It is the month of September, catch up will (sic) you.

Spot the Fetid.

PS I am soon to get my own page, with an indoor connection. Animals rights rule supreme at my house."

I also managed to get a little quote from Baby Elliot:

Wail here

I think he's saying "Roger is a fine dog" - but it's hard to interpret - interestingly, when Master Craig played it backwards, it sounded just the same (I suggested that Elliot may be backmasked).

The in-laws have gone and things have quietened down at home. Master Craig is looking a bit ragged, though.

I managed to sneak down to the library, whilst Master Craig was away presenting a paper on the net (he didn't even ask for my assistance). I had a good browse. Again, the point is that you don't make eye contact with any librarians. I was actually looking for a good grooming book for Elanor - her breath is becoming unbearable. Speaking of grooming, Master Craig was pleasantly surprised today when I showed him my new brown look - I spent awhile in the sun rolling in the dust - Master Craig called Mistress Liz to have a look at Roger Brown-dog - they were very impressed.

Whilst out, I also got to have a bit of a look around town. I especially liked the look of the pedicure and manicure salon. It's been a long time since I've had a professional manicure! I was going to pop in just off the street, but I didn't have a note to tell them what to do. Luckily, Master Craig was away for a couple of nights, so I popped home and went back the next day.

Again, I'll give a few tips for beginners:

• I can't stress highly enough the important point that under no circumstances should you make eye contact with the shop attendants;

• remember that you're paying good money for the attention, so lap it up;

• go to the effort of dressing up, so that your presence is less conspicuous (I always find a bulky jumper and a mack hat essential);

• don't forget to accessorise - the accessories often make the appearance - so don't be afraid to take that brolly or pipe or wear that eyeliner; and

• always prepare some notes to get you out of trouble (ie. plan ahead).

The notes I used were:

1. When first walking in

   

2. I then sat down and the little lass, got to my toes. She did comment on the state of my nails (it's hard to keep your nails in good order when Master Craig refuses to buy you doggy overshoes). However, I had prepared:

   

3. But, be careful, since the witty banter doesn't stop there - don't forget to plan some small talk:

   

4. and don't forget to have some replies prepared:

   

Well, Master Craig is getting a bit fidgety, so I'd better go - tune in next week for some more great Roger tales!

Take me to the next diary entry!

I'd be very happy if you'd sign Master Craig's visitors' book before you leave (he won't create one for me).

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