Well, it's been awhile, but I'm back!

I've been a whingeing a bit to Master Craig, but he's been too busy licking his wounds to type up my backlog of notes (that and his Christmas present of Red Alert).

By licking his wounds, I mean that Master Craig had a few "accidents" over the holidays.

First, there was the microwave incident. Moments after complaining to Mistress Liz that the designers of microwaves should be ashamed of how difficult it is to take one to pieces, the house lights dimmed and Master Craig was lit up like a Christmas tree (it was the Christmas holidays after all).

Master Craig escaped with a slightly singed arm and a "tingling sensation". He also said that it's more potent than caffeine. (It was lucky that Mistress Liz had previously insisted that Master Craig install an earth leakage switch.)

I actually blamed his electrocution on the fact that he was allowed to buy a set of "Torquemaster" screwdrivers - the ultimate in undoing and doing up things. The one thing that I'm still concerned about is that he was also allowed to purchase a 950 Watt multi-speed hammer drill and a set of 120 drill bits. Now, if he's allowed, Master Craig is almost sertain to transfix himself sooner or later and affix himself to some part of the house.

The funny thing is that this type of behaviour is gradually edging into most of his homework. (He has actually changed his motto from "To succeed with no effort" to "Sufficient is nowhere near enough".) Just last week we had another spitting/hissing possum in the backyard (which Ellie and I consequently bailed up in a 100 foot gumtree). The normal Master would probably just turn on an outside light, make a bit of noise and hope that the thing would go away. Well, not Master Craig - let's talk 500 Watt spotlights, 100 watt globes at the ends of extension cords, complicated possum disruptors and the like. It was that bright that when the lights went off (at Mistress Liz's demand), Ellie and I both managed to walk into a few trees before just deciding to sit and wait out our night-blindness. He never got the possum, though.

The other exciting thing that Master Craig did over his holidays was break his arm, whilst falling through Rusty 1's roof. Master Craig was standing on Rusty's garage roof cleaning off vines from the roof and our trees. Immediately after Mistress Liz patiently told Master Craig that he should be careful where he walks, the roof gave way. Master Craig fell about 2m through the roof. He also got in big trouble from Mistress Liz, since they were going on a beach holiday (sans moi) a few days later.

The funny thing is that the microwave now works and Master Craig got to sit around all holidays making microwave popcorn, reading science fiction and playing on the computer (just like he said he would). Ellie and I think that the whole series of incidents may have been carefully planned.

Not much else has been happening. Ellie and I got visited by a few thousand fleas over the break. So we've been bathed, powdered, sprayed, injected etc. on about a weekly basis.

There's not even that much in the mailbag.... Samantha writes:

Roger and Ellie,

I trust that your holidays were great and safer then Master Craig's.
We have had a mild winter.  Not much use for the snow boots.  We have
had some illness with the rabbit Satin.  He devloped a bad ear
infection. To date Mistress Linda says that we don't know if he will
lose part of his ear.  Even the Vet is not sure.  But I know it is in
the hands of a higher power.
	
I have to go to obediance school.  I have been told that I don't listen
very well to Mistress Linda.  I now have to go to class once a week for
eight weeks.  I want a new collar and leash, is this
wrong?

I'd say the loss of a little ear does quite a bit for your social profile (you have heard the story about the loss of a part of my ear to a Rottweiler, haven't you? - nasty dog).

I once went to obedience school. It'll be quite good for your Mistress - gets her used to you doing what you like.

Ellie recently got a new collar (Master Craig got sick of me eating her leather ones and decided to get a chain one). She actually lost her collar tunnelling out over the Christmas period - it's been awhile, but we're still good diggers. Whilst the family was on holidays, we basically moved in next door to Rusty 1's place. All we had to remember was to make it home by morning (Rusty 2's master fed us each morning and didn't notice the elaborate tunnel system we had constructed).

One last problem before I disappear. I've had some mail from people who have visited:

**velociraptor nest**

To put it frankly, these people were disturbed by some of the goings on there.

They report that things like the following are being said on this rather distasteful page:

• Dogs Taste Like Chicken
• I chased the slow one (ellie) until it fell down, then I picked it up and pretended it was a puppet
• The other one was smarter [ie. obviously me]. It came after me from behind. But I was swift and used my retractable claw to shave a stripe down the middle of its hairy back then I bit its ears off and made it pull me around in a sled until I got hungry. Then I ate it.

Despite the atrocious use of language, the site is totally inaccurate.

I will admit that one day we had a little visitor:

The visitor even had the audacity to go nose to nose with me:

(I'd always thought that Ellie's breath was bad, but this Raptor had never heard of flossing or even a toothbrush.)

The next image I think accurately represents what we had for dinner:

Tastes a bit like possum....

Please send all hatemail to Jen (Perpetrator of Myths) - she deserves it.

To be automatically notified of new postings, please MAIL ME to let me know that you'd like to be included on my mailing list.

Take me to the next diary entry or show me the complete calendar!

I'd be very happy if you'd sign Master Craig's visitors' book before you leave (he won't create one for me).

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