I'm really annoyed with Master Craig this week - he's spent NO time with us and he's now said that I'm limited to 500 words for this diary note (as you'd know Master Craig types these notes for me). As a diligent student (I graduated from the School of Hard Dogs), I gave him my manuscript in 8 point font, with virtually no borders. But, I should've known that Master Craig (who is a lecturer in his time off) would notice that old trick.

Anyway, he tells me he's busy running residential schools for the distance education students at his University - he's also presenting internet seminars to local legal profesionals and other interested persons.

But, I've got the better of him - I know that a picture is worth a thousand words so here goes:

The big fat Baby Elliot himself:

The many moods of Master Elliot:

A family portrait (notice no dogs):

A quick joke:

Guy goes into a bar and orders a beer, suddenly he hears this tiny voice
that says "nice tie".  He looks around and doesn't see anybody that could
have said that, then he hears the voice again, "nice hat too", he looks
around again and still doesn't see anybody.  So he asks the bartender, "I
keep hearing these tiny voices that are actually saying nice things  but I
don't see anyone."  The bartender says, "Oh that's the peanuts, they're
complimentary."

Some important news concerning Microsoft:

Microsoft today announced that it will be changing its name to "Moft" -- which will clear up space on user's hard disks. It is estimated that a typical Windows 95 installation contains about 2,800,000 copies of the word "Microsoft", in copyright notices, end-user licence agreements, 'About' screens, etc. So, after the change, a user will have about 14 MBytes more disk space. Stock prices of hard-disk manufacturers dipped slightly after the announcement.

"Well, the programs will take up less space on the user's disk," said Bill Gates, CEO of Moft. "But we have never cared about that. The change will allow us to ship Windows 95 on 13 disks instead of 14, thus saving about $50 million a year in media costs. We are also looking at shortening the names of some of our software products; for instance 'The Microsoft Exchange' may be changed to 'The Moft Pit'.

Gates added that the junior programmer who discovered the potential savings has been rewarded with a free copy of 'Moft Off for Moft Win 95'.

I don't think the next one is true, but it's not bad:

God decides to end the world in one weeks time, so he first decides to
call together the 3 most important people in the world and warn them.  He
calls together Bill Clinton, Deng Xiopeng, and Bill Gates, sits them down
and tells them, "The world is going to end in one week, go out and warn
the world." 

So, Bill Clinton calls a joint session of Congress.  He says to them,
"I've got good news and bad news.  The good news is that there is a God. 
The bad news is that the world is going to end in a week." 

Deng Xiopeng calls for a conference of all of the millions of Chinese.  He
says to them, "I've got bad news and worse news.  The bad news is that
there is a God.  The worse news is that the world is going to end in a
week." 

Bill Gates calls for a meeting of all of his upper level managers.  He
tells them, "I've got good news and I've got great news.  The good news is
that I am one of the three most powerful men in the world.  The great news
is that we're not going to have to fix Windows 95."

Master Craig is starting to get a bit anxious and I will give you another diary note - probably Monday - and why should I get hassled - NO-ONE provided me with any logos! I would've thought that someone at least would've had the gumption!

Anyway, Master Craig has promised that he will let me write in some depth EARLY next week. I will answer all outstanding mail then.

Take me to the next diary entry or show me the complete calendar!

I'd be very happy if you'd sign Master Craig's visitors' book before you leave (he won't create one for me).

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