Well, all I can say is thanks to Alex, Master Craig has been shamed into writing up this week's diary note:

"Just wanted to know what has happened to Dogworld. I miss the weekly
laughs. Keep up the good work.

Alex Taub

The simple answer is that absolutely nothing happened to Dogworld - it was a time when the common people just stood back and allowed evil to triumph over the virtues of a very special dog named Roge.

Yep, I've been whining about how my readers are going to lose interest if they can't enjoy my ramblings on an almost weekly basis - but he wouldn't listen to me - no, it took kind Alex to awake the giant from his slumber (he sure ain't going to get any smaller quaffing those chocolate biscuits all the time). So, I'm back. Oh, BTW, Master Craig's excuse is that he has been working on his Masters Honours paper, has presented one internet seminar already this week and another one is tonight, Young Master Elliot had to go to the children's hospital in Sydney yesterday to get a blood-blistery thing checked out (a "cavernous haemangenoma" - or something like that) - yet another trip which despite my medical background I was not invited on (many would remember that I trained to be a doctor but was not allowed to practice due to perceived hygiene problems - basically poor toe hygiene).

So, things in Dogworld have been relatively slow recently. Winter has come and nearly each morning over the past fortnight has seen heavy frosts - almost like snow.

Roger good-dog still gets to sleep outside despite the below freezing temperatures. Ellie has taken to sleeping in the garage (by choice) - Master Craig managed to get rid of the mice down there - he caught about 10 over one week.

I think it's really unfair to be forced into sleeping outside - Master Craig is too cheap to spring for a burglar alarm - he uses a slave-dog instead. I've explained to him that there is no great element of surprise in finding a big black dog outside on a dark night - a much better technique would be to have me guard the family from the hallway beside the heater - no burglar would expect that!

Of course, when summer comes around I'd be more than happy to return outside....

I had my first trip in the Volvo the other day - certainly doesn't have the performance of a Fiat X-19, but the wagon does give good headroom in the rear. Not that I should be there - I much prefer to be riding up front (much safer that way too since there are 4 airbags to keep my fragile frame from being thrown around).

The trip was down to the vet's. I don't mind going there much - always good to be taken out of the compound. I even got to wee on the display of dog food they so proudly display down there. The interesting news is that I've lost 6 kilos and I can see my feet again (I even have my waste back). Master Craig was happy - but he could've seen it coming since he seems to have deliberately cut back our rations.

I've also been dropping down to the photography shop a bit to see Gladys Beril (the girl who works behind the counter there) - she's a ravishing beauty, that one. We've been getting much closer in recent weeks. I mentioned before that I was going to ask her to the disco - well, apparently, there aren't many of those around these days. So we've decided to see Pavement (an American alternative band) in Sydney in early July. Gladys has her own car (a 70's Peugot) and has said that she'll take me down there - the only problem is that they're playing on a school night and Master Craig doesn't like me out on school night's. I think there may be a little disappearing act happening that night - "Oh, is that a burglar sitting out the front in a stolen 70's Peugot - I'll protect the family from that crazy good looking thief!"

Oh, another problem is that I don't have any ID and it's at a club. It doesn't matter how long you tell a bouncer that 7 in dog years is really 35 - he still won't let you in. I favour equal opportunity employment - it's far easier to reason with a pit bull than a bouncer. I'll let you know how the date goes!

Next to the mailbag. Master Craig has all my mail on a disk that he seems to have "misplaced", I could rustle up this one though:

Hi Roge.

Thanks for the card re:Basil, I'm not sure when it arrived as I found it
this morning under the bushes! and as soon as it dries out I'll put on the
shelf alongside our doggie photos.  We even got one from the lovely young
lady Vet, I did'nt think they thought of things like that especially as
we'd never been to her before.

As the weather will be getting a little chilly up your way now I hope your
Master Craig has thought of a heating system for you and Elle, or electric
blankets at least! Being a St Bernard I dont mind the cold at all, although
I must say my Master Roger looks funny with long pants and jumper, Humans
just dont seem to be able to adapt to temperature changes very well do they?

Master Roger built me a really neat drinking bowl a little while ago, but
now Mistress Maxine has put some plants in it, Lilys she calls them, and
some Goldfish! Dont they realise that I cant drink water that goldfish have
been doing, well, you know, THAT in the water! 

Well, I gotta go roll in the grass before the sun dries it out too much.

Bye for now.

Elle.

Thanks for the note Elle II. As you would've already read - no electric blankets for us (did you know that they may cause cancer - but I think I'd prefer to die of cancer rather than be frozen to death - and in any case there have been some clinical trials that have found that that great pastime tobogganing also causes cancer - not to mention leprosy caught from quaffing mice).

The drinking bowl sounds a bit of a problem - but the answer is obvious - once you've eaten the fish they can't do anything else in the water. Master Craig was also talking about a frogpond on the weekend, but Mistress Liz quickly nipped his bud - the conversation went something like:

MC: I think I'll create a series of ponds like the ones we saw on TV in
    those gardens.

ML: Why don't you clean up the backyard before you start digging
    holes?

MC: This is part of cleaning up the yard.

ML: What sort of stupid answer is that?.

MC: Well, it's part of a grand plan to beautify the yard....

ML: How will digging a series of bog holes beautify the yard?

MC: Well, if you can't see the big picture, I don't think I'll 
    even bother starting to clean up!

ML: Were you planning on cleaning the yard, were you?

MC: As a matter of fact I was.

ML: You can't even walk the dogs, what makes you think you'll 
    look after the frogs?

MC: Frogs don't need looking after - they just need some ponds -
    you know that many species are dying out and creating a 
    frog-friendly environment is part of our civic duty!

ML: Ok, once you've cut the lawns, cleaned up the dog mess, washed 
    the dogs and car and pruned the trees, you can dig the holes, 
    but make sure they're right down the back behind the compost 
    heap.

RD: Wait a minute, I've buried a whole lot of bones there!!!

MC: Stop jumping on me, you stupid dog!

RD: Don't call me a stupid dog or I'll attack Ellie...."

I've also been annoyed this week by an EC directive announced in the paper this week:

The European Commission (EC) has just announced an agreement whereby
English will be the official language of the EC rather than German, which
was the other possibility.  As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's
Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement
and has accepted a 5 year phase-in plan that would be known as
"EuroEnglish":

-- In the first year, "s" will replace the soft
"c"..Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy.

     The hard "c" will be dropped in favor of the "k".
     This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the
troublesome "ph" will be replased with the "f".  This will make words like
"fotograf" 20% shorter.

     In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be
expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always
ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes
of the silent "e"'sin the language is disgraceful, and they should go away.

     By the 4th yer, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th"
with "z" and "w" with "v".

     During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be  dropd from vords
kontaiining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer
kombinations of leters.

     After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be
no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech
ozer.

     ZE DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU!!

When will leaders learn that you can't teach people how to speak, spell and use grammar.

Take me to the next diary entry or show me the complete calendar!

I'd be very happy if you'd sign Master Craig's visitors' book before you leave (he won't create one for me).

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