119 November 13986 - You wouldn't believe the goings on!

Well, maybe that is a bit of an overstatement, but a few things have happened!

The first is that Master Craig has made 8 valiant attempts at fixing the fence and detaining me. Unfortunately, he enlisted the assistance of a couple of "the boys" from Church and, so, on the eighth attempt limited success was obtained.

These boys are in the 16/17 age bracket and are not yet scared of things like spiders, standing on the decrepit fence and being forever lost in the maze of wire and bits of stick (that Master Craig is so keen of).

Master Craig was in charge of the exterior modifications and I was able to easily break through them. However, the interior ramparts proved to be a little more difficult.... I also thought that I'd chosen the escape time appropriately (it was in a thunderstorm so I thought that I'd have a bit of time). Certainly, Master Craig did not brave the elements, but it meant that I was caught between interior ramparts and Master Craig's flimsy exterior impediment. About 2 hours later, Master Craig realised that I'd "disappeared". I was sprung (and quite wet).

Of course, I have further plans, but I won't release them on the web, just in case Master Craig decides to "pop by".

My backyard "situation" has meant that I've had a bit of time on my paws and so I've gotten back into a bit of creative writing and romance novel reading. My first new piece of prose has a bit of a Christian bent:

Footprints in the house

One night a dog had a dream. He dreamed he was walking in the house along with the LORD.

Across the ceiling flashed scenes from his life. For each scene, he noticed two sets of muddy footprints; one set belonging to him, and the other to the LORD.

When the last scene of his life flashed before him, he looked back at the footprints. He noticed that many times along the path of his life there was only one set of footprints. He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times of his life.

This really bothered him and he questioned the LORD about it. "LORD, you said that once I decided to follow you, you'd walk with me all the way. But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life, there is only one set of footprints. I don't understand why when I needed you most you would leave me."

The LORD replied, "My precious, precious child. I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that we both hopped."

And lo, I was really embarrassed for bothering the LORD with such a stupid question.

I was actually going to include some references to Master Craig in the work, but all I could picture him doing was complaining about the mud and why a perfect LORD would choose not to wipe his feet on the mat and what I was doing wandering through the house in any case. He even suggested that I should restrict my wandering with the LORD to a a pristine beach or something a bit more picturesque. He really has very little idea about creative writing....

I've also been assisting Mistress Liz in compiling some new maths questions. I thought that I'd try to jerk her into the 90's. All her old questions had people like Jack and Jill doing things with apples or riding the trains. She hasn't caught onto the fact that in the 90's, the kiddies prefer to get a lift in the car and obtain their nutritients from snack foods.

My rationale is to help the kiddies understand the basis for the questions so that they are more inclined to feel led to provide a comment on them. My questions are designed to help kiddies self-discover what they consider "answers" within their own learning pedagogy:

1. Zelda and Jane were given a rottweiler at their commitment ceremony. If their dog needs to be walked two miles a day and they walk at a rate of 3/4 mile per hour, how much time will they spend discussing their relationship in public?
2. Michael has two abusive stepfathers and an alcoholic mother. If his self-esteem is reduced by 20% per dysfunctional parent, but Michael feels 3% better for every person he denigrates, how long will it take before he's ready to go home if 1 person walks by the cafe every 2 minutes?
3. Sanjeev has 7 piercings. If the likelihood of getting cellulitis on a given day is 10% per piercing, what is the likelihood Sanjeev will need to renew his erythromycin prescription during the next week?
4. The City of Sydney decides to destroy 150 rats infesting the CBD. If 9,800 animal rights activists hold a candlelight vigil, how many people did each dead rat empower?
5. A red sock, a yellow sock, a blue sock, and a white sock are tossed randomly in a drawer. What is the likelihood that the first two socks drawn will be socks of colour?
6. George weighs 120 kilograms and drinks two triple lattes every morning. If each shot of espresso contains 490mg of caffeine, what is George's average caffeine density?
7. If the average person can eat one pork sausage in 30 seconds, and the waitress brings a platter of 12 sausages, how long will it take five vegans to not eat them?

I suspect that Mistress Liz will get far better results in mathematics tests if she uses my questions!

I've also had time to construct a time-effort-productivity analysis of Master Craig's work habits. I've given a list of things that he needs to do in order to shift from "valued" to "indispensible":

1. walk quickly
2. never walk about the office without a document in his hands (note that a newspaper should not be used since it will look like he is heading for the bathroom)
3. when going home, he should always carry papers/books in his hands (even though his briefcase may be empty)
4. Use computers to look busy (any time he uses a computer, he looks like he's at work to the casual observer) - of course, if an observer has a closer look, it's always best to let them know that he's teaching himself to use some new software and offer a demonstration
5. maintain a messy desk complete with huge piles of files (remember that last year's work looks the same as today's work!)
6. when he comes to work, he should rush to his office, take off his coat and then go out and make sure that he's seen (and the opposite when leaving)

After all that you'd think that I'd have no time to consider anything Roger! But, I've actually designed my own t-shirt to advertise the site. The t-shirt will be black with the following caption (in white):

Elliot is actually going halves with me because he wants a warning placed on his t-shirts:

Felix is keener on:

Well, better get off to that old mailbox:

Dear Roger and Ellie,

Congratulations on your new addition to your family.  I have been very
busy with vacations, basement floods and a lot of long days.  Mistress
Linda has been very busy of late.  She has let me read your E-mails but
it took me till today to figure how to write you back because she has a
new computer.  A bit different from the old model.  She has set up the
old computer and given me limited access to some sites.  I have spent
most of my summer getting out of the yard and talking to Charlie.  My
escape rout was found out by a neighbor that yelled to Mistress Linda
that I was out of my yard and chasing her cat.  Honest, the cat was in
my way.  Resulting in me being fully grounded into my yard.  Now I am
focused on the task of getting ready for our Halloween night.  I am not
sure what costume I will be wearing.  I relay like the Super Dog or
Lassie but I have not made my decision as of yet.
Do you celebrate Halloween?

Have you had a chance to interact with your new little one yet?  I think
you can have a great time with him.  How has your Master Craig been
since the new arrival?

Samantha.

Samantha, although we don't really celebrate Halloween out here (and I'm too late for this year anyway), I have some real difficulties with Super Dog and Lassie.... I've always pictured you as a Cujo or one of the rabid dogs from the remake of The Thing - I think that one of those would be a little more interesting and give you a character that you could really make your own. I'd certainly be practising my "menace face" between now and next Halloween, if I were you!

Master Craig has been OK of late. We had a bit of fun with him recently when he was trying to repair a wooden step outside. Elliot, Ellie and I were outside whilst Master Craig was repairing the step. He took out all the supports so it was barely hanging there. The three of us then kept going to walk up the stairs - made him jump until he tied/locked us all up.....

Hello you canine fiends, so immature, i tell you your fellow dogs
couldn't tell a flea from a tick. well, anyways i just wanted to say
that cats, with my superior intellegence, rule and all canines
drool(even you, White Fang! Ha!!) I am a long hair maine coon mix with a
brilliant fur coat that is well kept, unlike your fur coats, which i may
say look terribly mangled.i live with two of your canine type, a husky
and a springer spaniel. from my experiences i wonder why they call dogs
man best friend if cats were worshiped by the egyptions. personally i
don't like having anything to do with dogs, but you seem highly supior,
for a dog, so i'll make an exception. Your feline with the wits,
					nermal99

Personally, I find that long hair tends to tickle my throat on the way down....

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I'd be very happy if you'd sign Master Craig's visitors' book before you leave (he won't create one for me).

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