Well, Master Craig allowed me to come back on the net. I've tried very hard to behave myself and hide from the very mean, cruel and nasty Maste*** ouch *** birds that try to lead me astray and away from the kind words of Master Craig.
Due to me having to behave myself, very little has happened over the past week. The most interesting thing was snooping around the garage for food and having the door blow shut. Master Craig said that he did wonder where I had gone, but he was watching re-runs of The Beverly Hillbillies and was so rivetted he couldn't bother looking for moi. It's all rather silly, I had asked for a mobile phone about 2 months ago and, although it was approved in principle, there's been no action on that front - I bet Baby Elliot got it. If I had the mobile, I would've just called the homestead for assistance - just like a cowdog being chased by a native American would've done!
Anyway, no phone. Of course, Mistress Liz used that hoary chestnut on Master Craig:
"What would he use it for? He'd just chew it!"
She was also scared that I'd run up bills chatting on one of those chat lines with other people wearing no clothes. Actually, I thought about starting up my own chat line for people who live in units or otherwise can't have dogs - I'd call it "People Who Want Dogs But Aren't Able To For Any Number of Reasons" (or "PWWDBAATFANOR"). Ellie thinks that that's a ridculous title, but I think it carries the intended meaning of the chat line.
Ellie thinks it should be called "People And Wdogs" (or "PAW" for short) - I agree that PAW is a good acronym, but not many people spell "dogs" with a silent "w". Nevertheless, that's Ellie's favoured title.
On the chat line, we'd be able to go on virtual walks with callers, have sloppy hugs and generally enjoy ourselves.
The good bit about such a chat line, though, is that we could at last become financially independent of Master Craig and Mistress Liz - we've relied on them for far too long - much to my chagrin (note that we still don't have an outdoor internet connection).
If we could get financially independent, Ellie and I would adopt a few pups and buy a business with the excess cash. We've been thinking about opening a pet grooming centre. It would be vastly different from those operated by human people. It seems that "those salons" specialise in making dogs look like prostitutes - all that grooming, flea wash, fluffy fur and cheap cologne.
No, we'd specialise in giving dogs the "natural look" - we'd get back to basics. That's what most dogs want. We'd have special fragrant lotions, body sprays and dips. Dogs wouldn't be blow dried, they'd just shake (if God had intended us to be blow dried he would have given us tangle-free fur). We'd listen to ambient music and probably share a bit of incense. We'd have all the finest Labradorian scents:
There'd also be free Eau D'Toilet for any thirsty dog.
It wouldn't be a cheap thing to run, but I'm sure we'd have dogs and their Masters flocking from everywhere for our very special service.
I don't want a phone anyway.
Mail was light this week (I hope that no-one was scared by my behaviour last week - I've paid the time).
Bear and April write:
"Spring is comming to northeast Ohio as we speak. Try tell us that but all is does is rain and snow. April stays next to the house and only roams the yard when she needs to go. Every time we come in Master Don wipes our paws. Young Chris lets me in the living room in the morning but everyone else chases me into the kitchen. I like the bick wing back chair to sleep in. Today Chris doesn't have school so he let us get on the internet and Email our friends. It's lunch time I hear refrigerator opening O-boy food. Well don't get into any more trouble. Be good Bear and April (old dog) from cold Painesville, Ohio bark bark
Well, you can see that I've been the model of a modern major dog. As for your woes, I'd suggest surreptition as the best course - don't wipe your feet, just sneak in and hide - they won't be able to find you if you're really quiet!
Until next time...
Take me to the next diary entry or show me the complete calendar!
I'd be very happy if you'd sign Master Craig's visitors' book before you leave (he won't create one for me).
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