Some of you may have thought that I may have been an ex-dog. But, here I am again just as bright as I left you.

Escapes have been plentiful in the meantime. I've even managed to escape when the folks have been in the backyard - I'm a very cunning dog. The only problem is that when Master Craig rolls up beside me in the car, I have an irresistable urge to jump into the back. I know that I'm only going home, but you never know when we might actually be going somewhere. I often hear Master Craig saying that he'll have to take me to Sleepy Bye-Bye Land - I just hope that the Teletubbies are there when I get there - they always seem to be having fun.

So, what's been happening? I went to the vet for my shots. Master Craig asked when I was going to get tired and slow down. The vet thought I was 2 human years old (not my hearty 7 years), he was amazed at the sheen of my coat and the lack of plaque on my teeth. The vet said that I could easily live to 15 human years (I was intending to go to the Year 2000 Olympics in Sydney anyway). Master Craig seemed a little disoriented. All he could mutter was that I'm 50 in human years.... Poor Master Craig.

Mistress Liz and Young Master Elliot are now at home full-time awaiting the birth of a new Baby Latham. It's sorta good - since there's a bit more action about the place, but the Young Master has an experimental streak that is increasingly discomforting me - what he can do with a spade, a piece of chalk, some string and his bike is truly terrifying.

The beauty of having Mistess Liz home, though, is that I get to see more gameshows. I just love Family Feud! I've actually been cataloguing some of the more interesting questions and answers:

• Name something a blind person might use - A sword
• Name a song with moon in the title - Blue suede moon
• Name a bird with a long neck - Naomi Campbell
• Name an occupation where you need a torch - A burglar
• Name a dangerous race - The Arabs
• Name an item of clothing worn by the 3 musketeers - A horse
• Name something that floats in the bath - Water
• Name something Red - My cardigan
• A number you have to memorize - 7
• Something you put on walls - Roofs
• Something in the garden that's green - Shed
• Something that flies that doesn't have an engine - A bicycle with wings
• Name a famous bridge - The bridge over troubled waters
• Something a cat does - Goes to the toilet
• Name an animal you might see at the zoo - A dog (well, people see them whenever I go there)
• Something associated with the police - Pigs
• A sign of the zodiac - April
• A famous Scotsman - Jock
• A non living object with legs - Plant
• Something you open other than a door - Your Bowels

The other thing that's been happening is that Master Craig has been utilising the 7 weekly videos for $7 shoppper dockets. What that equates to is 21 hours of Star Trek Voyager and Deep Space 9 in the past week and a half. I'm not sure but I suspect that Master Craig is anticipating doing his PhD through Starfleet Academy in Temporal Physics. It'll be sad to see him go, but I'm looking forward to him wearing jumpsuits all the time - I suspect that they'll really suit him.

That gets me to my potential future study. I was looking to do a doctoral thesis specialising in the history of the American wild west. I was going to take an unusual approach of writing an historically accurate novel.

The novel will centre on the wild west from a disabled dog's perspective (they didn't cater very well for the disabled in the wild west). The story is about a three-legged dog-hero called "Rawge" who hobbles around the wild west saving women, biting baddies and howling at the moon. It starts out with our leg-disadvantaged hero hopping into one of the roughest bars of the era....

Rawge looks around the room with his steely blue eyes. The music stops and everyone turns and stares - some in disbelief, some in terror, some in love and awe. Rawge slowly limps up to the bar, orders a lemonade and announces:

Well that's as far as I've gotten, but I think it holds real promise.

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I'd be very happy if you'd sign Master Craig's visitors' book before you leave (he won't create one for me).

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