Susie continues to pester me regarding our backyard internet protest. She writes to Master Craig:

Dear King Craig,... I think you should talk to Roger about
boy dogs and girl dogs, he appears to have an interest in
pornography. As a parent to be I'm sure you find this worrying in
your older offspring.

Susie, I should think that you'd be human enough to speak to me personally about any problems you may have with my apparent interest in doggy pornography and not direct your sinister comments via Master Craig.

In any case, it has come to me to explain my fascination with doggy porn. As you may have noticed, very few dogs actually wear clothes - if they wear clothes, there seems to be a strong statistical connection with mental deficiency in their master. My point is that any picture of a dog is pornographic by human terms.

Now, I'm an old world dog and I do like to treat my dog "sisters" as female dogs should be treated - I look after them. I'm sure that if you ask them, they like the attention. I've also never heard one complain when I've pushed open a hole in a fence for them, nor when I've surrendered a rug for them to sit on.

I'm happy for my sisters to espouse their feminist ideas (for example, you should note that I'm happy for Ellie to retain her puppy name, so she's the hyphenated "Dogue-Dogue"), but when it comes down to it, I like to treat my sisters "right".

I also got mail from Spot, who I understand is a cat whose master is Susie (just a sidenote - I think that the name spot is very suitable for a cat and, at least in this respect, I agree wholeheartedly with Shakespeare). Anyway, Spot writes:

Dear Roger and Ellie, I know you are only dogs but why do you
continue to allow that hypocrite Matty to support your net protest
when under his own soon to be roof are two very intelligent
felines who lack even the odd peek at the net. Support net
access for Iago and Othello.

Well, Spot, you've backed me into a corner - I will tell you my true feelings on this issue. I admit that I don't endorse equal rights for cats - there I've said it - I'm a canist. I support dog rights to chase cats and this includes chasing them on the more ethereal internet.

Cats will only spoil the net with constant references to purring, licking, nails etc. People just don't want to know about such things. Let's face it, cats are boring.

As for Matty, I support his right to ban Iago and Othello from anywhere near an internet connection. I say "Out, out, damn Iago and Othello!"

Well, I'm feeling a bit tired now - I think I'll go work on my contraption to try to wind down.

Take me to the next diary entry!

I'd be very happy if you'd sign Master Craig's visitors' book before you leave (he won't create one for me).

Return to: The locked/chained world of Rogernald Dogue and Elanor Dogue-Dogue

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