Well, it's been awhile. Master Craig has actually had me tied up for the past month.

Let me make it quite clear - I have been LITERALLY tied up for a month. Sure, I have morning and afternoon runs, I've been allowed far more regularly inside the house, but I'm getting a bit sick and tired of it all.

I've been chained to a wooden bench - I can move it about quite a bit despite it weighing a couple of hundred kilos (this is no lightweight bench), but it's not the same as running free with the wind streaming through my fur.

I was allowed a ball and chain there for a while - it consisted of me being chained to firstly a large piece of mesh and then to a grate. It allowed me to be mobile about the backyard, but Master Craig got tired of me getting stuck on the other side of our fence (I could at least get next door up to the length of the chain).

The reason why I'm trying to get out is that I've found that there is a whole doggy society thing going on in my street. I've told you about Ralph and the Rusties. Well, Napoleon Slobberdog (a pale Labrador) lives just around the corner too. We like to hang out on the corner and check out all the other dogs wandering the street.

We don't have a pack mentality - it's just that we like to hang out in groups and hassle passers-by. It's all in good fun. The problem is that I'm reliant on Master Craig forgetting to put me on the chain in order to meet with my friends. I really need my own car - we could then drive somewhere deserted and hang out (Master Craig is concerned that we'll get hit by a car).

Actually, if I had a car, we could just drive around with our faces out the window, honking at cats. Now, that would be the life.

So - it's been quite a quiet month.... except, of course, for Master Elliot's rude antics - he has taken to trying to simultaneously pull my tail stump and one ear - it's quite painful (although the sadist always seems to be giggling whilst he inflicts his pleasures on me). I'm going to train the new baby (once it arrives) to get Elliot at every opportunity - it is going to have full Roge-support.

The only other thing that's been happening is almost 24 hours a day of Star Trek - Master Craig found out that he can borrow 10 videos for $10 - we have since seen the complete Voyager and Deep Space 9 series and are currently midway through the 4th series of The Next Generation. If I see just one more bad Romulan haircut, I'll attack the television. Master Craig has even asked whether Mistress Liz thinks she could cut his hair that way... things are becoming quite surreal at the Compound.

Well, better do the mail...

The Cunningham's mail:

"Dear Elliot Jnr,

Thanks for your e-mail on behalf of Roge, Ellie, and Elliott Jnr.

Congrats on your new baby brother/sister look after Mummy and be a good boy
- see that she has lots of rest cause she is going to need it with a big
boy and a baby to look after.

Message for Roger and Ellie

Roge will have to go on the Pill, Pat and Max had a poodle called Jacque -
he was a lovely boy until he got the smell of the girls, birth control
pills were the only thing that would quieten him down - he's gone to the
doggy heaven now but he had a long life with us, 17 years.

Noodles (Elle's sister) has been to visit with her puppy called Ben - he is
a cute fellow, a bit boisterous, is now 4 weeks old.  Noodles was a bit of
a floosie, she picked a Jack Russell for her mate, Ben looks like his Dad. 
Noodles is a Maltese.  She is quite a drama queen, and had to have a
Caesarean as Ben was a big boy. She only had one puppy.

Elle & I (Minxy) had to have the dratted bath today - we also got di-flead
- what a pain, we didn't like it at all.  Minxy was very naughty and got
into big trouble as he got out of the bath and ran all around the inside of
the house putting water and shampoo on the tiles - the master Big Max came
home and slipped on the wet tiles, he is not very happy as he hurt his knee
and posterior.

The mistress is off to Sydney in April to see the granddaughter, and that
big poodle Josey.

Big Max will be staying home to mind us and go crabbing in his new boat.

Keep you nose clean, and no digging holes, or running off.

Look after Elliot jnr.

Elle & Minxy Cunningham"

Master Craig asked whether you call your Master - "Mr C". I have no idea what he's talking about.

As for bathing - I don't know what the big fuss is all about. I've never met a dog that actually likes it - so why do masters from all around the world persist. As for fleas, I'm trying to get as many as I can and train them to jump on Young Master Elliot if he goes for a tail or ear. Although I'm becoming quite friendly with them, they are a little inconvenient at times.

My latest attempts to load fleas in tiny catapults to fire at Elliot haven't met with any significant success. In order to get them to stay in the catapult long enough to be fired, you need to squash them a little and then when they hit Elliot they're too concerned with their personal difficulties to attack the little guy. I'm currently commencing experiments with ants - but they appear to come with their own set of difficulties.

Samantha's mail:

"Roger and Ellie,

We are now going into spring and mistress Linda has done it again.  She
just attained four Green Tree frogs.  Not another animal in this house.
Now I have to keep the cats off of another animal.  They are small green
and useless.  They make a horrid noise like a monkey screaming.  (I
watch Animal Planet on the T.V.)  They eat crickets and you have to put
dust on them first.  Now what kind of animal are they if you have to
dust their food first?  I keep telling mistress Linda that I could let
them outside and they would be happier.  But she told me if I put them
out she will put me out too!  I trapped a squirrel on the garage roof
yesterday.  I had to let the little guy go when mistress called me back
in...To bad I heard squirrel is good eating.  I have recently become more
independent and I feel I must look for food in the wild.  Mistress
again tells me that I live in a suburb of a big city and dogs do not
forage for food.  I just think I am getting in touch with my roots.  
Frogs croaking, gotta go,

Samantha aka the Wild."

Yeah - frogs - not good eating, let me assure you. Master Craig has a bit of a fixation on them - you have seen Frogworld?

Now, as for squirrels, I do understand that they are quite good eating - like a cross between Panda and Whooping Crane. Personally, I prefer Spotted Owl, but you don't get to catch many of them nowadays....

April and Bear mail:

"Hi Roger and Ellie,

Its been a long time since April and I (Bear) have been able to get
anyone in the family to sit down and translate to the computer.  We hope
that the new voice reconigation software can be setup for our barks.  No
one is home here lately, Laurie ajust finished community college in
child care, Chris is at school, grade 5, and our master Don is either at
his work engineering or on duty at the fire station.  It looks like
spring is getting here.  There are many new smells.  All the snow is
gone.

Samantha visited not too long ago. Bear acted like a stupid male. During
the visit we managed to get more tale scraps than usual.  Not to mention
the we are awaiting our masters brothers new child.  Laurie will be baby
sitting them at our home.  Just think Eric their other child drops food
to us, soon there will be two food droppers.  

Well it is time to go outside for our evening walk.  Talk to you later.

April and Bear from Ohio"

Good to hear from you. Funny, Samantha didn't mention the visit - are you sure it was OUR Samantha?

Bark recognition software sounds like a good idea. It would cut Master Craig out of the loop! We could actually talk regularly on the net.

Elliot is also a food dropper - but he seems to largely restrict his droplets to his own body. To get any real sustenance from him you'd have to suck on him awhile - not a bad idea....

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Take me to the next diary entry or show me the complete calendar!

I'd be very happy if you'd sign Master Craig's visitors' book before you leave (he won't create one for me).

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